


The Finer Things

by IvanW



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Break Up, Gay Sex, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Space Husbands, Unrequited Love, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 23:26:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 27,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1876518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk and Spock meet at the academy and have a three year relationship.<br/>When Spock is assigned to the Enterprise and Jim to the Farragut, Jim breaks things off.<br/>Six years later...they meet again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that though I do use TOS for inspiration, this is still an Alternative Universe Setting with the current cast used as my players. Some details, therefore, will not necessarily match those of the original series. Thanks.

_Six years earlier_

 

“I can’t believe we’re finally graduating,” Nyota said as she sat across the table from him sipping her tea.

“Graduation is not until the end of next week. And there are finals to be completed first,” Spock reminded her.

“I know that, Spock. I just mean it’s finally here.”

He opened his mouth to correct her once more but decided it was not worth the effort. He picked up his own tea. He had decided to experiment with a berry flavored tea instead of his usual blend. Spock did not find it very pleasing.

“I’m surprised Jim isn’t here,” Nyota said.

“He said he would be here right after his last class.”

She nodded. “Well, I gotta say I was wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“About Kirk. When you two first got together, remember? I said there was no way it would last?”

Spock nodded. Privately he had agreed with her. He had little in common with James Tiberius Kirk and hadn’t even imagined they would be friends when Spock had met Jim at the academy. He’d found Jim to be very physically attractive though even when he couldn’t imagine any kind of relationship with him. When Nyota had expressed her reservations about Jim and commitment to Spock, he’d been forced to defend Jim and his own choice to enter into a relationship.

“Oh, here he comes,” Nyota exclaimed. “I’m going to take off. I have a ton of studying to do if I’m going to pass that Klingon exam.”

She flew by Jim with a wave as he approached Spock’s table.

“Something I said?” Jim asked, flashing a grin as he slung his book bag down on the chair Nyota had occupied and sat in the chair nearest to Spock.

“She expressed a wish to study.” Spock offered his fingers and after a slight hesitation, Jim met them with his. A spike of uneasiness went through Spock but he tried to push it away. “Your class went well?”

“Oh sure.” Jim reached for Spock’s tea and took a sip. He made a face. “What’s that?”

“It is tea made from the Luca Berry.”

“Well, it’s gross,” Jim said.

“My apologies.”

Jim sighed. “It’s your tea. Sorry.”

“Are you unwell?”

“No. I’m just…really distracted.” Jim winced and rubbed the back of his neck.

“About?”

“Well. There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk about.” Jim shook his head. “Never mind. It can wait until after finals.”

“If it is important enough to distract you, I will listen,” Spock assured him.

“I don’t want to bug you right before finals. You should have your mind on those and not my stuff.”

Spock quashed down the alarm. “I would rather you bring it up now. My exams will not be affected.”

Jim bit his lip. “Well. Okay. I’ve been thinking. You know you and me, it’s been, it’s been great and all. But since we got together we’ve been all about exclusivity. Which was fine. It’s just that lately I’ve been thinking about that.”

Spock felt his insides grow cold. “Indeed?”

“Well you know when we graduate, we aren’t even going to be on the same ship. You’re going to be on the Enterprise under Captain Pike and I’m going to be on the Farragut under Captain Garrovick. We don’t even know when we’ll see each other next.”

“Jim,” Spock interrupted quietly. “What is it you wish to say?”

Jim turned a little red. “I really like you, Spock. A lot. And we’ve had some fun and some great times. But I think maybe we should have like…uh…you know what they call an open relationship.”

“An open relationship?”

“Yeah. We’d still see each other when we can. You’d still be my boyfriend. Our relationship would still be most important but when we wanted to see someone else, we could.”

“You mean when we wanted to engage in sexual relations with someone else.”

Jim shifted in his chair. “Well, yeah. It wouldn’t be anything serious with anyone else. Just you know sex. And not necessarily all the time. Just when we wanted. Stuff like that.”

It took Spock fifteen point three seconds to reply. “I see.”

“What do you think?”

What he thought was that he had been so very very wrong. “Vulcans do not engage in casual sex.”

Jim blinked in surprise which just made Spock feel even worse. “They don’t?”

“They do not. And more importantly, I do not.”

“Oh.” Jim was silent. “So, does that mean you’d have a problem if I did?”

“Yes,” Spock said immediately. The very thought of Jim with someone else made him want to throw up.

Jim exhaled for a long time, then he nodded. “Okay. I-I guess then the only other answer is to breakup.”

Spock did not want to hear that but somehow he knew it was coming. He did not know how to respond so he sat there silently.

“I think maybe I’m just too young to commit to one person, Spock. I want some more experiences. Not just sexual either. You’re my first real boyfriend, really. And you’ve been great. The best. But with us going on different ships, maybe ending things between us is for the best.”

Spock still said nothing.

“You see that, don’t you, Spock?”

“Yes,” Spock forced himself to say. “I see it.”

Jim smiled and that was perhaps the worst of it. He was breaking Spock’s heart and smiling about it. “You know I wish you only the best.”

“And I you as well.”

Jim bit his lip again, suddenly looking uncertain. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Of course I will. What makes you believe that I will not?”

“No, I-I don’t. I just wanted to be sure.”

Spock nodded. “You have made your choice, Jim. I hope your exams go well and the Farragut and Captain Garrovick are everything you hoped.”

“Spock—”

Spock stood and held up his hand in the ta’al. “Live Long and Prosper.” 


	2. Captain Kirk

_Present_

Jim Kirk walked toward the entrance of Starfleet headquarters in San Francisco already a few minutes late for an appointment with Commodore Mendez.

Coming toward him were two beautiful female officers he did not recognize. He flashed them a smile. “Ladies, Jim Kirk.” He held the door open for them and went inside after casting one last glance in their direction.

He made his way to the lift and the fourteenth floor where Mendez’s office was located. He stopped in front of the yeoman waiting outside his office.

“I have an appointment with the commodore,” Jim said pleasantly.

“Yes, sir, he’s expecting you. Go right in.”

Mendez stood when Jim walked into his office. “Hello, Jim. Have a seat.”

After they were both seated, Jim waited as Mendez seemed to be looking over a PADD.

“We’re very impressed with your record, Jim. Fine service on the Farragut.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“We were all very sorry about Captain Garrovick.”

Jim nodded, still feeling a constriction in his chest. “Yes, sir.”

“I’m thinking you might think I’ve asked you here to become the Farragut’s new captain.”

He’d certainly hoped that was the case. Many of his friends on the Farragut had speculated with him about the possibility.

“But that’s not the assignment we have for you,” Mendez said. He smiled a little. “I see you’re disappointed.”

“No, sir,” Jim denied.

“Sure you are. However I am pretty sure you won’t be disappointed after I tell you that we are promoting you to captain and that we want you to command the Enterprise.”

Jim’s breath caught in his throat. “The-the Enterprise?”

Mendez grinned. “That’s right. Congratulations.”

“But Captain Pike?”

“He’s been promoted to Fleet Captain. He approved you as his successor yesterday afternoon. With one caveat.”

“And that would be?”

“You are to retain Commander Spock as your science officer and first officer as he most recently has been under Captain Pike.”

Jim’s stomach twisted and his heart rate sped up so fast he thought it might explode from his chest. “Spock, sir?”

“You know him from your academy days, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“Problems?”

Jim shook his head. “He’s a fine officer, sir, and from what I know the best in the field of science. I would be honored to have him on board the Enterprise.”

Mendez studied. “Then what is it?”

“Full disclosure, Commodore. Spock and I were involved in a relationship back in the academy.”

“I see. Did it end amicably?”

Jim nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Then there should be no problem since I know you are both highly decorated and professional Starfleet officers,” Mendez said.

“Correct.”

“Excellent. Also assigned as your chief medical officer unless you object is Leonard McCoy.”

Jim grinned. “Bones.”

“Bones?”

“A nickname from our academy days. I’ve not seen him recently but we’re good friends.”

“Excellent. I’ll send the rest of the roster to your PADD. Most of the crew will be the same as was under Pike. All right with you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Dismissed then.”

Jim stood. “Thank you, sir. This is a great honor.”

“One which you’ve earned, Jim. Congratulations again.”

****

“I need to talk to you,” Nyota hissed at Spock as she threw herself into the cafeteria chair at Starfleet Headquarters. As she set her tea down, some splashed from the container.

“What is it?” He glanced up from the PADD he had been studying until her interruption.

“I just got notified who the replacement is for Captain Pike.”

Spock returned his gaze to his PADD. “Indeed?”

“Yes! You aren’t going to believe who our captain’s gonna be.”

Spock hit send on his report. “James T. Kirk.”

Nyota gasped and when he gazed up at her, her eyes were wide. “You know?”

“Captain Pike informed me three days ago when Starfleet command approached him. He felt it pertinent information for me to know.”

“Jesus. What does Pike think of this bullshit?”

“Captain Pike approves of Captain Kirk, Nyota.”

“What? Why?”

“Kirk is a fine Starfleet officer, Nyota. He has had an exemplary career so far and had always been expected to be a starship captain. I anticipate he will make an excellent replacement for Captain Pike. Pike believes this himself.”

“Well, maybe he is but’s also a fucking cheating slimeball bastard.”

“Nyota.”

“He is,” she hissed. “He hurt you, Spock. Badly. After I gave him a chance and everything. I hate him.”

“Perhaps, but he will be our commanding officer and we therefore must respect him as such.”

She sighed. “I can’t believe he’s such an asshole and let a guy like you go.”

Spock shrugged. ”Some relationships fail, Nyota. I suspect it was for the best we did not continue our romantic connection. Eventually our incompatibility would have concluded it with the same result as it ultimately had when Jim ended it.”

“He hurt you,” she whispered.

Spock could not deny that. He would never deny that. But he had moved on. “I have moved on from that and so should you. He will be our captain now.”

“For a five year mission.” She rested her head in her hands.  “This is going to suck.”

“You do not know that, Nyota. It has been six years. He has no doubt changed as much as I have. All will be well.”

****

Leonard scowled at the bartender as he put a cheap glass of bourbon in front of him. “You don’t got anything better than that swill?”

“Nope.” The bartender walked away.

A hand slapped his shoulder from behind and Leonard was about to turn around and bite the offender’s head off. He grinned instead. “Well, look what the cat dragged in.”

“Bones, I’d know that bitching a hundred miles away.” Jim squeezed his shoulder and took the stool next to Leonard. The bartender looked at him. “Scotch on the rocks.”

Leonard snorted. “Scotch. What’s wrong with good bourbon?”

“Nothing but you said it was swill,” Jim reminded him, bumping his shoulder into Leonard’s. “You look good. Really good.”

“Flattery won’t get you anywhere with me, kid. Couldn’t get you in my pants before and it still won’t.”

Jim laughed. “You wish. I’m guessing you heard.”

“That you’re Captain James T. Kirk now?” Leonard downed his bourbon and signaled for another as the bartender set the scotch in front of Jim. “Everybody’s heard.”

“And?”

Leonard scowled. “And what? You fishing for compliments?”

Jim shook his head. “From you? Never. I know better. You’re gonna be my CMO.”

“Tell me something I don’t know, Jim. I got my assignment, same as everyone else.”

“You don’t look too happy.”

“Five years in space? At least I don’t have to see the ex-wife. But not the kid either. Gonna grow up without me.”

Jim frowned. “Didn’t think of it that way.”

“Yeah. It’ll be okay though,” Leonard said. “The Enterprise, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Isn’t that Spock’s ship?”

“It’s my ship now. Spock will be on it though.”

Leonard snorted again. “Don’t think your pretended nonchalance will work with me, Jim. I know all about it.”

Jim narrowed his eyes and drank his scotch. “There’s nothing to know. Spock’s just somebody that I used to know.”

“Sure. So you won’t be moping around, pining for lost opportunities where the hobgoblin is concerned?”

“Any lost opportunities were my own fault and what’s done is done, Bones. I’m going to captain the Enterprise. I’m not going to have time for regrets.”

“You sure about that, Jim?”

“Positive.” Jim smiled and motioned to the bartender for two more. When they got their drinks, Jim held up his. “To five year missions.”

Leonard smiled and clinked his glass with Jim’s. “To five year missions.” 


	3. Commander Spock

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Bones grumbled as they made their way to the docking bay where the Enterprise was being readied.

“You’re just mad cause you have a hangover. I told you to stop at four,” Jim reminded him.

“ _You_ didn’t.”

“I can take more than you, obviously.”

“I don’t think being able to outdrink everyone around you is a good thing, Jim.”

Jim shrugged. “Maybe not. Anyway, I need support the first time I meet some of these people. Thus why I asked you.”

“Yeah but so damn early? I swear I’d just got to sleep.”

“I think you did. There’s Giotto.”

Bones scowled in the direction of the tall, brown haired man wearing a red security shirt. “Who the hell is he?”

“My new security chief. Got him from the Farragut.” Jim walked up to Giotto. “Lieutenant. Thanks for meeting me here.”

“Thank you, Captain, for asking for me on the Enterprise. I really appreciate it,” Giotto said.

“You earned it. This is our chief medical officer, Leonard McCoy.”

Giotto shook Bones’ hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“All right,” Jim said. “Let’s go aboard.”

The three of them made their way onto the Enterprise.

“If you don’t mind, Captain, I’ll go check out security,” Giotto said as they started into the belly of the ship.

“Sure go ahead. Meet up with me later to tell me if there are any issues.”

“Thank you, sir.” And he moved off.

“What’s up first, Jim?” Bones asked.

“My first officer is supposed to meet me on the bridge in half an hour.”

Bones snorted. “Your first officer, huh? Don’t you mean Spock?”

“Yeah. First I’m going to engineering. You coming with me or would you rather check out sickbay?”

“Nah, I’ll tag along. We can stop by sickbay after we meet Spock.”

Jim glanced at Bones. “Why do I get the feeling you’re looking forward to seeing me squirm?”

“You squirm? I don’t believe that. Not unless you’ve changed a lot from last I saw you.”

Jim grinned. “I haven’t changed that much.”

“Didn’t think so.”

They entered engineering and Jim walked right up to a man in a red shirt barking orders to those around him in a thick Scottish accent.

The man turned when Jim and Bones approached him. “Who are you?”

“Captain James T. Kirk. And you must be Montgomery Scott.” Jim shook Scotty’s hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you and read all your papers on engineering. Very impressive. It’s an honor to have you as my chief, Mr. Scott.”

“Captain. You can call me Scotty. Most do.”

Jim smiled. “Scotty, this is Dr. Leonard McCoy, CMO.”

“Doctor. As you can see, Captain, we’re preparing for the launch at the end of the week. We had a wee bit o’ damage during the last round with Captain Pike. She’ll be ready for you though.”

“I’m sure you will, Scotty. I’ll be touring the rest of the ship should you need me.”

“Aye, sir.”

They were mostly silent as they made their way to the bridge. Jim wasn’t sure what Bones was thinking but he knew he was dreading meeting with Spock. He hadn’t seen Spock since he’d broken up with him back at the academy. Except at a distance. He remembered graduation day and seeing Spock standing next to Nyota Uhura. They’d always had a closeness Jim hadn’t quite understood. He knew Uhura was on the Enterprise, too.

Since that last day he’d seen Spock from a distance Jim had spent a lot of time thinking about Spock. He’d made some big mistakes back then. But he couldn’t go back to those days. As he’d told Bones, what was done, was done.

Still his stomach was in knots as he rode the lift to the bridge. When he first stepped off onto the bridge he didn’t see anyone, so he went immediately to the captain’s chair. His fingers caressed along the back of the chair.

Bones rolled his eyes. “You aren’t making love to it you know?”

Jim grinned. “Aren’t I? She’s a beauty, the Enterprise. I never imagined she’d be mine. Well, I imagined it. Who doesn’t?”

“Captain Kirk.”

Jim knew he visibly stiffened at the coolly spoken name. He hated himself for it too. He turned to face Spock and his heart leapt to his throat.

God, he looked good. So good. He wore the science blue uniform shirt and his chocolate brown eyes were fathomless as he stared at Jim and Bones without any expression at all. Jim almost reached out and touched him to see if he was real, but he stopped himself before he showed what a fool he really was.

“Mr. Spock,” Jim said instead, forcing a smile. “Prompt as always.”

Spock inclined his head and then said, “Dr. McCoy.”

“Hello, Spock. Long time no see,” Bones said dryly.

“Indeed. I trust everything has met with your approval so far, Captain.”

“Yes, it has, Commander.”

Spock nodded, he stood ramrod straight, his hands behind his back. “I anticipate no impediments to our departure. I have sent all the updates for the crew roster as well as the parameters of the initial mission to your PADD.”

“Great. That’s very efficient of you.”

“If there is nothing else—”

“Actually there is.” Jim licked his suddenly dry lips. “Bones, why don’t you go on ahead to sickbay? I’ll meet you there.”

“All right,” Bones said, with some reluctance, but he said nothing, and turned to leave.

Jim waited until the turbolift door closed on Bones.

“Yes, Captain?”

“I just wanted to be sure that you and I aren’t going to have any problems working together.”

Spock stared at him, his expression blank. “Why would we?”

“Well, because of the past.”

“I see. I assure you, Captain, I am not emotionally compromised over a brief romantic relationship that reached its natural conclusion six years ago.”

Jim blinked. Just shy of three years was brief? Natural conclusion? He cleared his throat. “Of course not, Spock. I didn’t expect you to be compromised. It’s just some times when couples break up, interaction between them can be uncomfortable.”

Spock nodded. “I am aware that humans suffer from this difficulty. However, I am Vulcan and do not. I have purged all such attachments from six years ago and there will be no difficulty in conducting a highly efficient professional relationship.”

Purged? Jim felt his chest tighten and he wasn’t even sure why. Hell, he’d been the one to break it off. So why all of a sudden did it bother him like this? Gack. He was a fucking mess.

Jim flashed the smile he was known for. “Excellent. Then everything should go very smoothly.”

“Indeed. If there is nothing else, Captain?”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “No, nothing. Dismissed, Mr. Spock.”

Spock bowed slightly and made his way to the turbolift leaving Jim alone on the bridge.

He turned back to the captain’s chair and sat down in it, facing the viewing screen. Well, what had he expected? Spock to declare he still loved Jim? Wait. When had Spock _ever_ said he loved Jim? Declarations of love between them had never happened. Jim hadn’t said it because he had this rule that he never ever said it first. After a while, Jim had given up hope Spock ever would say it, and he’d started to feel like what everyone told him about Vulcans having no emotions had been true. So, maybe Spock hadn’t even felt it.

Jim sighed and rose from his chair. Time to meet Bones.


	4. Spock's Parents

“So?” Nyota looked expectantly at Spock when he met her in the cafeteria at Starfleet Headquarters. They found a table and sat without choosing food or beverages.

Spock knew what she referred to and he was hardly the type to pretend otherwise and lapse into mindless small talk favored by humans. “It was a brief meeting and Captain Kirk appears well.”

Nyota snorted at that. “That’s it? I want details, Spock. Is he ugly and bald now?”

Spock arched a brow. “In six years?”

“One can hope.”

Spock chose his words carefully. “I believe that most would find him more aesthetically pleasing than he was six years ago.”

“Damn it,” Nyota swore. “Figures. I bet he’s more smug and arrogant too, right?”

“I do not know. We only spoke of ship related business.”

“He’s a cool bastard that’s for sure.” Nyota sighed dramatically. “Do you think you can work with him?”

“Affirmative.”

“Well, let me put it another way. Do you think you can work _for_ him?”

“Yes. Our interaction will be strictly professional, Nyota, as was my interaction with Captain Pike before him. My personal life and his will not interact.”

“Are you certain about that? You have no lingering…feelings?”

Even if Spock did, he would not reveal such personal emotions to anyone, even Nyota, who was likely his closest friend. Perhaps his only friend. “I have purged myself of any emotions related to Captain Kirk,” Spock gave the standard reply.

“You know I envy Vulcans,” Nyota said with another sigh. “Just like that you purge your emotions related to someone who broke your heart.”

Spock knew Nyota was now speaking of her own broken heart, a conversation he did not particularly wish to have. He was not without empathy for her situation, but he found excessive human emotions uncomfortable. One of the few things he’d had in common with Jim was their lack of desire to speak about subjects related to emotions. Jim was very tactile and hedonistic, but he had avoided the topic of feelings as much as Spock had.

“Well, I guess if you can deal with Kirk as our captain, I can,” she said, abruptly abandoning talk of purged emotions for which Spock was grateful. “You want to get something to eat?”

“That would be agreeable. I have some time before I must see my parents off.”

“They’re returning to Vulcan, right?”

He nodded. “Yes. Likely it will be some time before I will have the opportunity to see them again given the five-year mission aboard the Enterprise.”

“Does your father still disapprove of your joining Starfleet instead of the Vulcan Science Academy?”

“He does, though my mother has convinced him to ease his more blatant disapproval when we are in company.”

Nyota smiled. “I love your mama. Give my regards to them when you say goodbye, will you?”

“Of course.”

****

“Did you get the extra sweaters I made for you?” Mother asked him.

“Yes, I received the ten sweaters you sent to my apartment and you have my gratitude. Though it is doubtful I will need them on board the Enterprise.”

She smiled and adjusted the collar of his shirt. “Well I know that, Spock. Still you’ll have some off time and shore leave.”

Spock lifted her hands from his collar. “It is doubtful I will avail myself of shore leave, Mother. I find the practice illogical.”

“Okay.” She continued to smile so he knew he had not offended her. She reached up to adjust the head scarf she wore. “And your new captain? Do you think you will get along?”

Spock hesitated. He had thus far not revealed the identity of Pike’s replacement. His parents had been aware of his relationship six years ago with Jim. He’d even introduced Jim to them as at one time Spock had believed the possibility existed that he and Jim might bond one day. But he had been quite wrong. While regrets were illogical, Spock did regret his haste in introducing Jim to his parents.

“It is James Kirk, Mother,” he said simply. 

Her smile fell from her face and she pursed her lips. “Oh. I…I don’t really know what to say to that, Spock. Are you all right?”

“I am uncompromised.”

“Are you certain? I know he meant a great deal to you.”

Spock stiffened. “That was then, Mother. As for getting along that is a human consideration which I do not recognize. I will conduct myself with professionalism and sense of duty as I always have.”

She smiled a little again and patted his arms. “Of course. I know for certain you will always make me proud.”

“Pride is—”

“A human emotion. Yes, I know, Spock. But I hope you will allow me the satisfaction of feeling it nonetheless.”

Spock nodded. “You are responsible for your own emotions.”

“Yes.” She smiled. “Come. I am sure your father is anxious to see you before our departure.” She held up a hand as he opened his mouth to speak. “Oh, I know. Your father doesn’t feel anxious. But you know what I mean.”

“I appreciate the sentiment,” he allowed.

“And that’s enough.” She grabbed his hand. “Come.”

Father was indeed waiting by the shuttle departure area. He stood stiff and unyielding but he did greet Mother with two fingers as was their tradition.

“Spock.”

“Father.”

Mother rolled her eyes and laughed. “I swear you two. You look like strangers instead of father and son.”

Spock had nothing to say to that.

“Sarek, Spock’s new captain is James Kirk.”

Father inclined his head. “I am certain Spock will conduct himself appropriately.”

She sighed. “Of course.” She turned to Spock and he became aware she wished to embrace him, but was uncertain if it would be allowed. He gave a curt nod and her smile widened as she hugged him very lightly and for a short period of time.

Spock held his hand up in the ta’al as his parents prepared to depart. “Live Long and Prosper.”

“Live Long and Prosper, Spock,” Father returned.

Spock turned away when they boarded the shuttle and departed for his apartment. 


	5. Pike

“Thank you for meeting me for lunch, Jim,” Pike said to Jim from across the table at a little fish and chips place near the wharf.

“It’s my pleasure, sir. I appreciate the invitation.” Jim picked up his iced tea glass and sipped from the straw. “I also appreciate the recommendation for command of the Enterprise. Mendez said they spoke to you about it.”

Pike nodded. “They did. But I knew of your service on the Farragut. And your record at the academy. I followed all that after I talked you into joining Starfleet.” Pike flashed a grin. “One of my finer moments.”

Jim laughed. “I’m not sure about that.”

“I am.” Pike popped a chip into his mouth and chewed. “I don’t know if you know this, Jim, but I wanted you for the Enterprise six years ago.”

Jim blinked in surprise. “You did?”

“Sure did. Garrovick had seniority and they gave deference to him when he asked for you. Actually he wanted Spock, too, but he relented on that and took just you for the Farragut.”

Jim took a moment to wonder how things would have played out if both he and Spock had been assigned to the Enterprise or the Farragut. Would he have made the same choice he had six years earlier? He’d been such an idiot back then. But that was the past and he couldn’t change it, so he wouldn’t dwell on it either.

“It would have been an honor to serve under you, sir. But I greatly respected Captain Garrovick.”

“Yeah.” Pike’s eyes filled with sorrow. “I read your report on the incident that took his life.”

Jim nodded, feeling his throat clog. He still remembered the sweet honey smell of the cloud that had killed Garrovick and several others. He was pretty sure he would never forget it. “He was a good man. They all were.”

“Speaking of good men,” Pike said, changing the subject for which Jim was grateful, “I assume you’re ready for the mission.”

“I met with a lot of the crew over the last couple of days,” Jim said with a nod.

“That includes Spock?”

“Yeah, met with him yesterday.”

“And?”

Jim smiled. “Sir?”

“I am aware of your history.”

“I figured you were. I also figured if you were fine recommending me for command of the Enterprise you were certain Spock and I could work together. And that’s definitely true.”

Pike nodded and took a drink of his cola. “No lingering animosity between the two of you?”

“Certainly not on my part and Spock assured me that it wouldn’t be an issue.”

“He assured me of the same.” Pike smiled. “All right then. Mission starts at the end of the week. You think you’re ready for five years in deep space, Jim?”

Jim almost said he was born ready but decided it was a corny cliché. “Yes, I think so, sir.”

“You know, you _can_ call me Chris.”

Jim laughed. “Okay. I think so, Chris.”

“See your folks? Your brother?”

“Had dinner with my parents last night, actually. Sam’s a research biologist on the planet, Deneva, with his family.”

“Good.” Pike took out his credit chip and handed it to the passing waitress. “I guess that’s it then, Jim.”

Jim smiled. “Are you going to miss the Enterprise, Chris?”

“Hell, yeah. But she’s your ship now. Take care of her.”

****

“So, tell me, if the great James Kirk is so infamous for being a ladies man, how come you’re spending your last night here on Earth for basically five years with a sourpuss like me?” Bones lifted his glass of whiskey to his lips.

They were in Jim’s San Francisco apartment, seated across from each other eating Chinese takeout. An apartment he would no longer have after tonight. His parents had been kind enough to offer to move the remainder of his stuff from the apartment after he left for space. Belongings he wouldn’t need on the Enterprise. They’d store his things for him and this place, this apartment, would become someone else’s.

“Am I infamous for that?” Jim asked curiously as he picked up noodles with chopsticks.

“Pretty much. Although you’ve been known to spread yourself around with other sexes and species too.”

“Like Spock, you mean.”

Bones shrugged. “Yeah. And there was that Andorian girl. What was her name?”

“Um, I don’t know what her Andorian name was. She told me to call her Shayla. Nice girl.”

“I bet.” Bones smirked. “None of them were as serious as Spock, though.”

“Nope.” Jim said nothing else. He didn’t want to start talking about Spock to Bones. Or anyone really. “Anyway, what’s wrong with spending the evening with you? Aren’t you good company?”

“The best, of course,” Bones said with a grin. “But I don’t come with the promise of sex.”

“I’m not all about getting laid, you know.”

“I know. I know you better than most. But you have to admit you sort of have that reputation.”

“Yeah, well, it’s stupid. I was with Spock for almost three years, so how do they figure?” And just like that he wished he could take the words back. He was the one who didn’t want to talk about Spock. He shook his head. “Forget it. I’m not talking about Spock.”

“Okay.” Bones forked a bite of Kon Pao Shrimp. He refused to use chopsticks. “About what’s-his-name. I was never quite sure what you saw in him anyway.”

“He was hot. That was the first thing. I loved the fact that with everyone else he was so cool, so…blank. But with me? He was always different. He acted like I was special. No one ever did that before. Not really.”

“And then?”

Jim shrugged. “I guess he stopped acting like I was special.”

“You were the one who broke up with him, Jim.”

“I know.” Jim grimaced and reached for his glass of wine. “I was there.”

Bones eyed him for a while and then said, “Son of a bitch.”

“What?”

“It was some sort of game, wasn’t it?”

“Game?”

Bones snorted. “Don’t play dumb with me, Jim. I know you’re a genius. It was an ultimatum of sorts. You didn’t want an open relationship. You wanted him to put up more of a fuss or something. But when he didn’t call your bluff, you ended it.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“I’m right.” Bones shook his head. “You really are an idiot sometimes for being a genius.”

“Whatever. The motivations for all that don’t matter anymore. It really was for the best since we were going on different ships. And sowing my wild oats instead of settling down with a Vulcan of all things ended up being the right decision.”

“Probably,” Bones allowed. “I never got your fascination for that green-blooded hobgoblin anyway.”

“Careful,” Jim said with a smile. “You’re about to spend five years with that hobgoblin.”

Bones sighed and finished his whiskey. “Great. Should be loads of fun.”

Jim laughed. “It will be, Bones. You’ll see.”

 

 


	6. Departure

Spock lifted his bags that had been brought on board the Enterprise onto the bed in his quarters. They were the same quarters he’d had as Captain Pike’s first officer. That much had not changed.

He opened the bags and began to disperse his clothing into the drawers and closet supplied for them. It would be another five hours before the Enterprise would leave dock, but most of the crew was already on board. According to the reports Spock had been sent on his PADD less than ten crew members were past the time they were supposed to report. Two of those had been given an exception by Captain Kirk, but the remaining eight would receive a reprimand in their file.

He stowed his empty bags in the closet and then turned to the synthesizer to obtain a cup of tea. He inserted his card for Vulcan tea and a minute later, his cup of tea emerged.

His door chimed.

“Enter.”

Nyota entered with a smile. “You all settled in?”

“Affirmative. And you?”

“Yep. Looks like most of us that were on with Pike got the same quarters.” She glanced over to the bathroom Spock would share with Captain Kirk. “He make any noise?”

Spock arched a brow. “He has not as of yet. He did greet me upon my arrival.”

“Well, he should. You are his first officer.” She scooped up the card for the tea and slipped it into his synthesizer.

“My apologies, Nyota. I should have offered.”

She waved her hand. “I don’t stand on ceremony, Spock. You know that.” She picked up her tea. “Five years. It’s going to be strange.”

“I anticipate no difficulties.”

“At least one of us feels that way. I _always_ anticipate difficulties.” She laughed.

His door chimed again.

“Well, who could that be? I’m already here.” She went to the door and pushed the open button. As she had indicated, she did not stand on ceremony.

Kirk stood there, blinking at them, but not entering. “Oh. Hello.”

Nyota smiled. “Captain. It’s good to see you again after all these years.”

Spock was surprised that she had managed to sound quite normal and pleasant.

“Lieutenant. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”

“Oh, Spock and I are just having Vulcan tea. It’s something we’ve often shared,” she said.

Kirk nodded. “I remember.”

“Was there something you required, Captain?” Spock asked politely.

Kirk turned a little red and rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, no. Just passing by. Wanted to be sure you had everything you need.”

“Affirmative. I have no further requirements at present, Captain.”

“Oh. Well, good. I’ll see you later on the bridge then.”

“Indeed.”

Kirk sort of grimaced. “Lieutenant.”

She smiled again. “Captain.”

And the door swished closed as he walked away.

She lifted the tea to her lips. “You’re right about one thing, Spock.”

“And that would be?”

“He’s definitely not ugly and bald.” She sighed. “I’ve got to go check on communications. See you later?”

Spock nodded. “Yes.”

****

“Everything all right in sickbay, Bones?” Jim asked as he entered his friend’s domain.

Bones scowled. “Hey, Jim. I think I’m missing supplies. Christine, can you check on that last one?” he asked the blonde nurse standing near him.

Christine Chapel nodded. “Yes, doctor.” She smiled at Jim. “Captain.”

“Hi, Christine.” He turned to Bones when Chapel hurried away. “Other than the missing supplies, everything in order?”

“Looks that way.” Bones moved over to a desk and slid out the drawer. He pulled out two small glasses and a bottle. “You look like you could use this already.”

“Bones, you brought bourbon on board?”

“You think I’m gonna drink the swill the synthesizer makes?” Bones snorted and poured Jim and himself a small amount. “What ails you?”

“Nothing.” He downed the drink and handed the glass back to Bones.

“You lying to your doctor?”

Jim shrugged. “Stopped by Spock’s quarters.”

“So this is about the hobgoblin? Should have known.”

Jim shook his head. “Nah, it’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing.”

“She was there, you know.”

Bones frowned. “She who?”

“Uhura.”

“Oh. Are they together?”

Jim shrugged again. “No idea. Seems like maybe they are. Can’t do anything about it if they are. It’s none of my business.”

“Of course not.” Bones held up the bottle and wiggled it. “Another?”

Jim grinned. “Nah, someone has to captain this ship. And it’s better if I don’t do it drunk.” He clasped Bones’ shoulder. “You coming up to the bridge when we take off?”

Bones sighed. “I’ll be there.”

“Catch you then, Bones. Let me know about those supplies. We’ll send someone for them if needed.”

“Thanks Jim.”

Jim left sickbay and went to engineering next, then security. By the time he was done with all that, he returned to his quarters, which seemed unexpectedly lonely.

Jim Kirk, lonely? Seemed completely ridiculous. He was getting everything he’d ever dreamed of getting, so why the hell was he moping around acting like he’d lost his best friend?

_Stupid_.

What he should be doing is going to the mess and grabbing a sandwich. He was hungry. Besides, he should be mingling with his crew, right? Not hiding in his quarters.


	7. Mr. Evans

**_Captain’s Log, Stardate 1533.6_ **

_The Enterprise has just been transferred a passenger, seventeen-year-old Charles Evans, from the cargo ship Antares. When Charlie was three years old he was the lone survivor after a crash of a transport ship on the unoccupied planet, Thasus. Charlie survived on his own for fourteen years without companions but apparently taught himself to speak by listening to the crashed vessel’s computers. Pretty impressive. The Antares managed to locate living relatives of Charlie on the planet, Alpha V, where we will be transporting him._

Jim faced the captain of the Antares on the view screen in front of him.

“Thank you, Captain Kirk,” the captain of the Antares said. “Since the transfer of Charlie is complete, we’d like to be on our way immediately.”

“Understood. Would you like Charlie’s family to keep you posted on his progress?”

The man looked startled for a moment, but then quickly shook his head. “No, Captain. That won’t be necessary. We’re behind schedule now. So, um, good luck. Antares out.”

The screen winked out and returned to a view of space.

Spock walked up beside Jim’s chair. Jim glanced at him.

“Guy’s a little weird, wouldn’t you say, Mr. Spock?”

“He did seem rather in a hurry to depart, Captain.”

Jim nodded absently. “Well, I’m headed to sickbay to see what Bones has to say about Charlie.”

Jim headed for the turbolift as Spock sat in the captain’s chair. Okay, so the first few days had been a little awkward, Jim thought, as the doors closed. But so far nothing bad had happened between him and Spock. His first officer had been every bit as professional as he had advised he would.

Jim had even thought Spock might just question every decision he made, just to make things harder for him. That hadn’t happened at all. They weren’t too far into the mission but so far things were going smoothly.

When he reached sickbay, he heard Bones talking to Charlie.

“You think people will like me?” Charlie asked, his young voice cracking just a bit.

“Like you? I don’t see why not, Charlie.”

“They didn’t like me on the Antares, you know.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Bones said.

“It is true!”

Jim let them know he was there. He smiled at the gawky, a little too thin, teenaged boy. “Hello, Charlie.”

Charlie brightened immediately. “Hello, Captain. Can I tour the ship now?”

“In a moment I’ll show you around some. Just give me a moment with Dr. McCoy.”

Jim took Bones aside. “So?”

“He appears to be a normal healthy teenaged boy, Jim.”

Jim smirked. “Appears?”

Bones shrugged. “All my readings say so anyway.”

“But?”

“There’s something a little off about him. I can’t quite put my finger on it.” Bones shrugged again. “Just a hunch.”

“A hunch? Bones, I need more than hunches.”

“What can I say, Jim?”

“Well, I—” Jim stopped when he noticed Charlie was no longer in sickbay. “Where’d he go?”

“Hell if I know. He was here a moment ago.”

“Damn it.” Jim ran his fingers through his hair. “See you later, Bones.”

He left sickbay in search of Charlie.

After searching for him for a good thirty minutes with no success, Jim finally gave up. “Computer, locate civilian, Charles Evans.”

“Charles Evans is in the recreation room,” the computer told him.

Well, that wasn’t as bad as other places where the kid could have wandered. Still Jim made his way over there as fast as he could.

The rec room was crowded with crew members and Jim saw why immediately. Uhura was singing and Spock was accompanying her on the lyre.

For a moment, Jim froze in the doorway.

He remembered a time during his relationship with Spock where Spock had announced that he was going to a bar with Uhura and when Jim had asked why Spock explained Uhura was going to sing and he was going to accompany her on his lyre. When Jim had expressed an interest in going to see them Spock had assured him it was not necessary and Jim would likely be bored. He’d figured that was Spock’s way of saying don’t come and so he hadn’t.

Jim shook himself. What Spock and Uhura did on their own time was not his concern. He was there to find Charlie.

He glanced around the room and spotted Charlie sitting at a table near Yeoman Janice Rand. The beautiful blonde was sitting with another younger crew member laughing and enjoying the song Uhura was singing which apparently was humorous judging by the laughter.  

Charlie was staring openly at Rand and her friend. Barely repressing an eye roll, Jim went the table where Charlie sat and took the seat next to him.

Charlie smiled like it was perfectly natural to be there and not to have left sickbay without permission. “Hello, Captain.”

“Charlie, if you wanted to leave sickbay you needed to ask me. I was talking to Dr. McCoy.”

“But I wanted to come here. I heard one of the nurses talking earlier about the performance.”

“You should have asked me, Charlie.”

“You were talking,” he said with a shrug.

Jim struggled for patience. “I don’t want you just wandering around the ship without supervision. Ask me next time. Okay?”

Charlie nodded. “Okay, Captain.”

“Until we take you to Alpha V, I’m responsible for your wellbeing and safety. So if there’s anything you need or if you have any questions, you check with me.”

Charlie smiled. “I’d like that. I like you, Captain. You’re nice to me.”

“Well, why wouldn’t I be?” Jim asked with a smile.

“Some people aren’t.”

“You let me know if anyone on the crew isn’t nice to you.” Jim’s gaze wandered briefly to Spock who still played for Uhura with an actual small smile on his lips. Uhura herself was hamming it up.

“You don’t like her much, do you, Captain?” Charlie asked.

Jim looked quickly back at Charlie. “Who?”

“That woman who is singing. You don’t like her, I can tell.”

“She’s fine, Charlie. I don’t have any issues with her.”

Uhura suddenly stopped singing and grabbed her throat with a gasp. Spock stopped playing, looking at her questioningly.

“Sorry, everyone,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “I seem to have lost my voice.”

“She wasn’t very good anyway,” Charlie said from beside him.

Jim looked at him sharply but Charlie just smiled back at him.

“Can you show me some more of the ship now, Captain?” Charlie asked eagerly.

“Sure, okay.” Jim stood as he watched several people converge on Uhura to ask after her health. She seemed fine other than a little bit of raspiness to her voice, so he turned away. He and Charlie walked to the rec room door. “After you, Charlie.”


	8. A Crush

Spock had decided to keep an eye on Charlie Evans from the moment he had seemed to take an excessive interest in Captain Kirk. At first it had appeared to be innocent enough, perhaps just teenaged hero worship for an amiable authority figure.

But then Spock began to notice that Charlie followed the captain everywhere similar to an overly eager Earth canine. He was often on the bridge when the captain was, standing by his chair. Rather than gazing at the view screen he mostly gazed at the captain. If Captain Kirk had noticed he didn’t say anything to Charlie or anyone else.

Any time the captain was in the mess or rec rooms, so was Charlie, sitting with him, following closely at his heels. Spock had noticed whenever Kirk did something, so did Charlie. Whatever meal the captain chose, Charlie had the same. If Kirk yawned, so did Charlie. Spock began to wonder if he should bring it up with the captain but it was difficult to get Kirk alone with Charlie always around him.

Spock entered the mess and went to the synthesizer to obtain tea and a small salad. He inserted his cards and waited, quickly observing that Charlie was sitting with the captain in the corner talking animatedly with his hands.

He was surprised to see Dr. McCoy sitting at another table by himself, but Spock chose the opportunity to approach the chief medical officer.

“Doctor, may I join you?”

McCoy looked surprised. “Uh, sure, Spock. Go right ahead.”

Spock sat. “You are not eating with the captain?”

Dr. McCoy grimaced. “He’s got his lap dog with him.”

“You refer to Charlie Evans.”

“Yep. That kid has a major crush on Jim.”

“You believe his interest is of a romantic nature?”

The doctor shrugged. “Who knows. Part of it, yeah, I’d guess so. Jim’s attractive to a lot of people. But he’s also a big powerful starship captain so I think too the kid wants to _be_ Jim.”

“You have no concerns with this behavior?”

“Well, the kid’s obnoxious,” Dr. McCoy said. “I can see why the Antares was eager to get him off their ship. But once we reach Alpha V he won’t be a problem for us or Jim anymore.”

“The captain should not encourage his romantic interest,” Spock said. “It is not appropriate.”

“I very seriously doubt he’s encouraging anything, Spock.” Dr. McCoy looked at Spock speculatively. “You were drawn to him yourself once. I’m sure you can understand the interest.” McCoy pushed back from the table. “Gotta run, Spock.”

“Goodbye, doctor.”

Shortly after McCoy left, Spock watched the captain rise from his table with Charlie scrambling up from his chair. He noticed Kirk grimace but the teenager seemed as eager as ever. Spock rose himself and made it to the door at the same time as Captain Kirk.

“Captain,” Spock greeted him.

“Hey, Spock,” Kirk replied with a small smile.

“Going to the bridge?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll come with you,” Charlie said eagerly.

The captain shook his head. “Not this time, Charlie. I’m going to be busy. Really busy.”

“But I—”

“Why don’t you spend some time in the gym or the rec room?” Kirk smiled disarmingly at Charlie. “And I’ll see you later.”

Charlie bit his lip. He glanced very briefly at Spock with a frown and then back to Kirk. “Will you teach me how to play chess later?”

“Sure, of course. It’s a date.”

Charlie smiled wide. “Great. Thank you, Captain.”

Kirk patted Charlie’s shoulder. “Okay, see you.”

Spock fell into step beside his captain. “You play chess?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You did not in our prior acquaintance.”

Kirk nodded. “I used to play on the Farragut. Usually with Garrovick. Out in deep space like that. Got boring.”

“Do you think it is wise to encourage Mr. Evans?” Spock asked as they stepped onto the turbolift.

“The kid?”

“He admires you.”

The captain shrugged. “He’s just a boy. I think it’s natural for teenagers to seek someone to emulate. Especially considering he pretty much grew up by himself on that planet. I treat him well so he likes it. Nothing wrong with that.”

“I believe he has what humans refer to as a crush on you,” Spock stated.

“Nah, I don’t think so. I’m sure I’m like an older brother figure to him.”

The doors opened on the bridge and Kirk went immediately to his captain’s chair and Spock to his station.

****

“Captain?”

Jim turned his chair toward Uhura. “Yes, Lieutenant?”

“I’m getting a distress call from…”

“From?”

“The Antares, sir.” Uhura’s eyes were wide.

“Play it.”

“Enterprise, this is the Antares. Desperately need assistance. Engines breaking up. Don’t know how long we have. We have to warn you, Enterprise. You have to be careful with—”

Jim frowned. “Where is the rest?”

“That’s it, Captain. There is no more.”

Jim turned to Spock’s station. “Spock?”

“There is no sign of the Antares in its last known location, Captain,” Spock advised. “But there is evidence of debris.”

Jim’s breath caught. “From the ship?”

Spock straightened. “Yes, Captain. The Antares has been destroyed.”

“By what exactly?”

“I do not know.”


	9. Charlie's Karma

   Jim found Charlie already waiting for him in the rec room. He was seated at a table with a 3D chess set. His gaze darted about the room erratically until it landed on Jim. Then he visibly brightened and smiled.

“Hello, Captain,” Charlie said happily as Jim sat across from him. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“I see that. Listen, Charlie, I have some bad news for you.”

“You can’t teach me to play chess now?”

Jim shook his head. “No, not that. The Antares was destroyed. We’re not sure how or why yet, but I wanted you to know.”

“Oh.” Charlie nodded. “I’m sorry about that but I can’t say I’m totally surprised.”

Startled, Jim blinked at him. “What?”

“They got what was coming to them.”

“Coming to them?”

Charlie shrugged. “They weren’t nice to me.”

“Even if that’s true—”

“It is true,” Charlie said sharply.

“Still. Charlie, all those people. They didn’t deserve to die because they didn’t like you.”

“I’m just saying it’s Karma, Captain. That’s when you get what you deserve because of your actions.”

Jim’s stomach twisted. “I know what Karma is, Charlie. And this wasn’t it.”

Charlie pouted slightly. “I’m not trying to make you mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you.”

“That ship was old, Captain. And there were a number of engine issues. It would have happened eventually anyway.”

Jim didn’t know what to say to that. “I’m going to get some coffee from the synthesizer. You want anything?”

“Coffee just like you. I mean exactly how you take it.”

Jim got up and went to the synthesizer and inserted the appropriate card for the coffee. He was turning back with the cups of coffee when he noticed Spock and Uhura enter the rec room. They headed for a table in the opposite corner of the room from the one he shared with Charlie.

His heart skipped a beat. Fuck, he hated seeing them together. He’d always suspected Uhura wanted Spock while he and Spock were dating. Now it seemed to Jim she had him.

Uhura’s foot suddenly slipped on the floor and she went crashing to the floor. Jim could not have explained why, but his gaze shifted to Charlie and the young man was laughing. Jim frowned and looked back to Uhura and saw Spock helping her up. She appeared to be unharmed.

Jim went back to his table and set the coffees down. “Charlie, it’s not nice to laugh at people when they get hurt.”

“She didn’t really get hurt,” Charlie pointed out, looking entirely unrepentant.

Jim held back a sigh. “Let’s start the chess game.”

Two hours later and Jim had won every game. He could tell Charlie was getting more and more frustrated, so he had decided the game he was about to win again would be their last one for the night. He was beat anyway.

“Checkmate,” Jim declared.

“No,” Charlie growled, then swept his hand across the chess set, sending it scattering to the floor, breaking pieces as it crashed.

“Charlie!” Jim said. “That was unacceptable.”

Charlie glared mulishly, folding his arms across his chest.

“Pick up that mess.”

“I don’t want to.”

“All right, Charlie. But no more games of chess.”

“What?”

“I don’t play with sore losers, Charlie.”

“But I—I was upset. You have to play with me. Please? I like you. I want to spend time with you.”

“Clean it up,” Jim said in his captain’s voice.

Spock was suddenly at his side. “Is there a problem, Captain?”

“Go away,” Charlie snapped. “I don’t like you. I don’t like Vulcans.”

“Charlie!”

Spock merely arched an eyebrow and turned to Jim. “Do you require assistance?”

“No,” Jim said. He looked at Charlie. “Apologize to Mr. Spock. Now.”

Charlie stuck his bottom lip out but he sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Jim shook his head. “I’ve got this, Spock. Thanks.”

“As you wish, Captain,” Spock replied and moved away.

“There are a few things you need to learn,” Jim said to Charlie. “You need to learn to lose gracefully. Pick up the messes you make. And not be rude to people. If you do that, then I’ll spend more time with you.”

“I-I’m sorry, Captain,” Charlie said, his voice quivering. “I promise to clean it up and be nicer. Please?”

Jim indicated the destroyed chess set. “No time like the present, Charlie.”

Charlie bent down to pick up the pieces and as Jim headed over to get more coffee he heard an earth shattering crack and then another, louder crash. He turned to see the table that Spock and Uhura were sitting at had split in two, spilling their contents all over both of them.

Jim hurried over. “You two okay?”

Uhura frowned at the wet spot on her uniform dress. “Yes, Captain. Fortunately the synthesizer never seems to make the tea very hot.”

“Spock?”

“Yes, sir.” Spock’s blue shirt had a large tea stain across it.

“What the hell is up with that table?” Jim said, frowning down at it while personnel began to clear it. “I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

“Nor have I,” Spock said.

“Let’s go get out of these wet uniforms,” Uhura said to Spock. “I think I’ve had enough socializing. Excuse us, Captain?”

“Sure.” Jim waved them off and returned to where Charlie was still cleaning up the mess. “All right, Charlie. I’m going to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

“Yes, all right, Captain. And I’m sorry again.”

Jim nodded. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”  


	10. Fading

Charlie was bored. He’d been wandering around the ship for hours looking for something to do. Engineering had been kind of fun for a little while. Until that man had laughed at him. Charlie hated being laughed at.

He really wanted to be spending time with Captain Kirk. _Jim_. That’s what Charlie wanted to be able to call him.

He wanted to _be_ Jim. Jim was handsome, commanding, respected and well-liked. All things Charlie wasn’t. It was because no one ever wanted to give Charlie a chance. He was only curious about things but they all lost patience with him and Charlie didn’t like that.

Jim wasn’t like the others. He treated Charlie well. And because of it, Charlie wanted to be sure that anyone who might harm Jim would be taken care of. If Charlie got rid of them then Jim would spend time only with him.

He could easily tell that Jim didn’t like the communications officer. _Uhura_. That had been obvious. Charlie didn’t know why exactly he didn’t like her, but that didn’t matter.

Charlie was more frustrated with Jim’s seeming affection for the Vulcan, Spock. He wasn’t as obvious with it like he was with his dislike of Uhura, but Charlie sensed that Jim cared about the Vulcan. And Charlie definitely knew the captain liked Dr. McCoy. They were friends and spent time together when Jim could be spending it with Charlie.

As he turned the corner, he noticed Captain Kirk’s yeoman, the blonde with the high hair, standing by the turbolift holding a tray. On the tray was a cup of coffee and a large bowl of fruit.

Charlie approached her. “Hello.”

She placed a piece of the fruit in her mouth. “Charlie, right?”

“Yes. Is that for the captain?”

She nodded. “It is. I can’t help myself. This melon is actually good. I was just about to bring it to him.”

Charlie bit his lip and took the tray from her as the turbolift door opened.

“Hey!”

“I’ll do it,” Charlie said as the door shut in her face.

****

When the turbolift opened Jim turned toward it, expecting to see Yeoman Rand with his coffee and bowl of fruit he had asked for a while ago. Instead Charlie Evans stepped onto the bridge carrying the tray with the fruit and coffee on it.

“Hello, Captain,” Charlie greeted him with a huge smile.

Jim had to admit he was starting to lose patience with the teen. He was trying not to, because Jim figured when he was that age he was probably a little obnoxious. But damn Charlie was extremely obnoxious and if Jim thought so considering how fawning Charlie was over him, he could imagine what the rest of the crew thought.

“Charlie, what are you doing on the bridge?”

Charlie’s smile faltered just a little. “I brought you your coffee and fruit. Yeoman Rand said I could.”

“It’s okay this time,” Jim said. “But next time, really, you need to stay off the bridge. We’re all very busy and it’s too dangerous for you here.”

“Yes, Captain.” He handed Jim his coffee and fruit.

“McCoy to the Bridge.”

Jim hit his comm. “What is it, Bones?”

“Jim, I found a message here the doctor from the Antares sent before the—”

The comm went out.

“Bones? Bones? Kirk to sickbay.” No answer. 

Jim noticed a smirk from Charlie. He narrowed his gaze at the teen. “Take these.” He handed the coffee and fruit back to Charlie and stood. “I’m going to go see Bones.”

The turbolift doors opened then and both Bones and Scotty came on to the bridge. Jim noticed Charlie bite his lip nervously.

“Bones? What were you going to tell me?”

“One second, Jim. You gotta hear what Scotty has to say.”

Jim frowned. Spock had left his station and was now standing next to Jim. Charlie backed up a step from them all.

“One of my men in engineering told me Charlie was just there, Captain. He says Charlie was talking to Jones one minute and then the next Jones just disappeared,” Scotty said, glancing at Charlie.

Jim’s breath caught and he turned to Charlie. “What?”

Charlie shrugged. “He laughed at me.”

“Charlie, _you_ did that?”

“Like I said, he laughed at me. I didn’t like it. He reminded me of the guys on the Antares. They laughed at me too.” Charlie smirked. “They aren’t laughing anymore.”

Jim went rigid with anger. “You had something to do with the destruction of the Antares.”

“I told you they had it coming to them. So you better continue to be nice to me, Captain. Or you never know what will become of the Enterprise.”

“Why you little prick,” Jim ground out, stepping toward Charlie.

“Jim, be careful,” Bones warned. “That’s what I wanted to tell you. The doctor from the Antares said Charlie isn’t normal.”

Charlie snarled, “I am normal.”

“Take it easy, Charlie,” Jim said, holding up his hands.

“I want to stay on the Enterprise,” Charlie said. “I don’t want to go to Alpha V. They don’t even know me or want me. But you… _Jim_ …I want to stay with you. This is where I belong.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Jim noticed Spock moving closer. Bones took a step forward but Jim shook his head at his friend. He didn’t know exactly what Charlie was capable of and he didn’t want to risk anyone else. Charlie had already destroyed a ship full of people and made a man disappear.

“Charlie,” Jim said reasonably. “Life on board a ship is difficult and there’s almost no privacy. It’s very isolating and lonely. It’s really not the place for a teenaged boy. Especially one who has spent so much time alone already. On Alpha V you have family. You can acclimate with other people, young people just like you.”

Charlie shook his head. “They aren’t just like me. No one is just like me. I have powers. Gifts. They won’t like me. I want to stay here.” He turned toward Spock. “Don’t come any closer. Get away from the captain.”

Spock stopped moving but he didn’t move away.

Charlie glared at Spock. “You’re no one special. He thinks he needs you, but he doesn’t.”

“Charlie.” Jim’s heart began to pound hard. He didn’t like the look in the kid’s eyes at all. Warning bells were going off in his head.

“He doesn’t even like you,” Charlie said, turning to Jim. “He spends all his time with her.” His gaze went briefly to Uhura and then back to Jim. Uhura had stood up, her hand held to her breast, though she was still by her station.

“Charlie, both of them are my officers. I do need them.”

“Why?” Charlie asked mulishly.

“To run my ship. I need all of the crew.”

“I can be your first officer. You just have to teach me.”

“Charlie, no—” Jim moved forward and Charlie narrowed his eyes. He felt sudden excruciating pain in his legs and he fell to the floor gasping.

“Captain!” Spock moved to help him.

“No,” Jim gasped out. “Spock, keep away.”

But it was too late. Charlie turned his narrowed stare on Spock and before Jim’s very eyes Spock vanished. Uhura gasped.

This…this couldn’t be happening. He didn’t just kill Spock. He couldn’t have. Jim wouldn’t believe it. Jim shook his head and struggled to stand.

“Charlie, bring him back!”

Charlie smiled. “Why should I? He was annoying. I told you, I don’t like Vulcans.” He turned to look at Uhura. “Stop that crying!”

“You little twerp,” Jim growled and grabbed Charlie.

“Jim, no,” Bones called out. “You’ll provoke him.”

Charlie just laughed and narrowed his eyes until Jim collapsed on the floor in writhing pain. “I’m in charge now, Jim. You’ll do what I say.”

“Over my dead body.”

“I would rather not but if you insist—”

Suddenly the flights on the bridge flashed and all the pain left Jim’s body. He got to his feet and Bones came to pull him away from Charlie.

Charlie for his part looked frightened.

“Captain,” Sulu spoke up, his voice trembling. “There is a ship approaching.”

A humanoid appeared right behind Charlie, who turned and stared at the man. “I am a Thasian, Captain Kirk. We apologize for what Charlie has done here.”

“Thasian? From Thasus?”

“Yes, Captain. Unfortunately, Charlie escaped with the Antares before we were aware they had arrived. We gave Charlie our powers when he was a young boy so that he could survive and adapt to our world. But we see that it makes him too dangerous for yours.” The Thasian looked to Charlie. “We will return him to Thasus with us.”

“No, no, please,” Charlie pleaded.

“We will return everything on your ship as it was,” the Thasian said.

Spock reappeared on the bridge with a sudden flash. Jim took a step toward him, relief temporarily making him forget himself, but Uhura rushed him and threw her arms around Spock. Jim froze. But not before he caught the raw sympathy in Bones’ eyes. So potent for a second Jim felt the sting of tears, but shook his head, blocking it out. He was Captain Kirk. That was all that mattered.

“What about the Antares?” Jim asked.

“Unfortunately it is impossible to repair the damage Charlie caused there. Come, Charlie.”

“No, wait,” Charlie said. He turned to Jim. “Captain, please. Please. I’ll be good. I swear. I’ll do whatever you want. They…they aren’t like humans. They’re so cold. They don’t give love or affection. They don’t tell jokes. Please. It’s so lonely. They aren’t like us. Please. Please don’t make me go.”

Jim was not without sympathy, so he turned to the Thasian. “It would be better for him to be with his own kind. Couldn’t you remove his powers and then he could be taught what he needs to know.”

“No. That is not possible, Captain Kirk. Come, Charlie.”

Charlie and the Thasian started to fade away.

“No! No! Please! Let me stay!”

They both disappeared.

Jim stared at the empty spots, his chest constricted. He turned to look at Spock, barely suppressing the relief Spock was alive and on the bridge where he belonged. “You all right?”

“Yes, Captain.”

Jim nodded. “You have the conn.”

He headed into the turbolift, Bones on his heels.

“Where are we going?” Jim asked when Bones pulled the lever.

“Sickbay.”

“I’m not sick.”

“It’s not that kind of medicine.”

“Oh.” Jim smiled a little. “Yeah, I think that might not be a bad idea. That was fucking rough.”

“To say the least. I thought that kid was gonna make _you_ disappear.”

“I think that was next.”

The turbolift opened and they headed to sickbay. Bones poured them drinks as soon as they reached his office and Jim sat down.

“How are you? Need me to examine you?”

“Nah, it’s all gone. But wow that kid packed a punch. I thought my legs were going to shatter into a million pieces.”

Bones nodded. “So why be all nicey nicey and offer to keep him after all?”

Jim shrugged. “I felt sorry for him. I mean, which of us wouldn’t be all fucked up in that situation? The lone survivor in a crash when you’re just a baby almost. And then these big powerful beings give you powers beyond any imagining? But they can’t give you love, they don’t treat you like a parent would.”

Bones snorted. “Stop it, you’re gonna make me weep.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Well, what would you be like under those circumstances?”

“I don’t know, Jim. But I’d like to think I wouldn’t go around blowing up ships and making people disappear.” Bones sighed. “You okay?”

“You already asked me that.”

“I know. But I’m talking about something else now.”

Jim finished off his drink. Shook his head. “I’m fine, Bones.”

“You keep saying that until it becomes true. Take a few hours off, doctor’s orders.”

Jim smiled and rose. “I think I’m going to get a work out in the gym. See you later. Dinner maybe?”

Bones nodded. “Sounds good.”


	11. Late at Night

Spock had been surprised to see the captain working out in the gym by himself as he had watched Jim leave with McCoy. He was aware of Jim, as the captain lifted weights and spent more than twenty minutes beating up a punching bag. The sweat slicked captain wore tight shorts and a tank top that showed he had developed quite a bit of defined muscles since their academy days.

Jim finally turned from the punching bag and began to rub his sweat soaked skin with a towel as he approached Spock sitting on a mat doing yoga stretching.

“Hey, Spock.”

“Captain.”

His lips curved into a smile. “I see you’re still into yoga.”

“I am,” Spock agreed. There had been a few times when they had first met that Jim had joined Spock in yoga, but Spock had been aware it hadn’t been as interesting to Jim.

“I wanted to ask you about before. You know. Um. Did you feel weird or hurt when Charlie…”

“Made me disappear?”

The captain nodded.

“I felt nothing. For me it was as though no time had passed and I had been on the bridge the entire time,” Spock advised. “Nyota informed me of the events and I watched them on the computer after to familiarize myself with the time lapse and all that had occurred while I was gone.”

“Oh. Interesting.” He smiled. “Glad she kept you informed.”

“What of you, Captain? I assume you had no ill effects from his treatment of you.”

“None. Well, I’ve disturbed your workout for long enough. See you later, Commander.”

“Captain.”

The captain nodded and turned away. Then he stopped and looked back at Spock. “Bones and I are having dinner in the mess if you want to join us.”

“I am already dining with Nyota.”

“Of course. Okay, see you.”

“You and the doctor are welcome to join us if you desire,” Spock offered.

“No.” The captain shook his head. “That’s quite all right. I don’t horn in on dates or whatever. Some other time.”

Spock nodded. “Yes, Captain.”

****

“I believe Captain Kirk thinks we are together,” Spock told Nyota an hour later as they secured their table in the mess.

Nyota smirked as she started to eat her salad. “What makes you say that?”

“Something he said to me earlier in the gym.”

“Ah.” She shrugged. “Well, can’t say I’m going to lose sleep over his assumptions, Spock. He’s done a lot of assuming since I’ve known him and I can see that nothing has changed there.”

“Perhaps.” Spock cut into his vegetable soufflé. “He invited me to dine with him and the doctor.”

Nyota glanced toward the table where the captain, the doctor, and Mr. Scott had seated themselves. Mr. Scott was talking animatedly with his hands and Captain Kirk was looking quietly amused.

“Actually, if you want to know the truth, there are rumors about them,” Nyota said thoughtfully.

“Rumors?”

“Yeah. About how much time Kirk spends with McCoy and how really close they are. I wouldn’t be all that surprised. Kirk likes guys as well as he likes girls. He’s not exactly the shy type.” She sipped her tea. “And who does he go running to for anything and everything? Makes total sense to me.”

Spock watched them. “I am not so certain they are anything but friends.”

“Who knows? It doesn’t matter, does it, Spock? What Kirk does is his business, right?” She drummed her fingers on the table. “Tell me you aren’t going to get caught up in his web again.”

“I will not,” Spock said, after only a moment’s hesitation. He did not intend to become involved with Jim again, but he could not deny there was something that always drew him to Jim’s side and it was stronger than ever.

****

It was a few days later when Spock heard a loud thump and then a crash in the bathroom he shared with the captain. Without hesitation, Spock opened the door from his quarters and saw the captain, wearing only his uniform pants, sprawled out on the floor.

“Captain?” Spock immediately entered the room.

Jim gazed up at him from the floor, his eyes looking glazed, his skin flushed. “Hi.”

“Are you ill?” Spock knelt beside him. He briefly touched the captain’s forehead. “You are feverish.”

“No.” Jim his breaths shuddered in his chest. “I’m not sick. Just still…still affected.”

Spock grabbed Jim’s hand which was cut. Blood was already clotting along the lines across his palm. Instantly, when he made prolonged skin contact with his captain, Spock felt…longing, desire, sorrow. He slowly dropped Jim’s hand. “You are injured.”

Jim looked at his hand. “Dropped my razor and it cut on the way down.”

“You _are_ ill.”

“No. Down on the planet. There was this woman.”

Spock did not want to hear this. He opened his mouth to say so.

“She was this…I forget. Anyway she had these pheromones. I guess they sort of cling to you after sex for a bit. I’ll be all right when it goes away.”

“I see. So you engaged in sexual intercourse while down on the planet on a diplomatic mission.”

The captain nodded. “Needed someone. For a little while.” He closed his eyes briefly, swallowed visibly. When he opened them, there was a hard light to the blue. “And anyway, I’m not in a relationship, I can have sex with whoever I want. Whomever.”

Spock nodded, keeping his face blank. “That is true.” This all explained the longing and desire Spock had felt from his captain when he touched him. It had been left over from his copulation with the alien woman.

“Do you need assistance with your hand?”

Jim shook his head, his gaze once more going briefly to the palm of his hand and the red smear there. “No. I’ve got this, Spock. You can go back to your room. I just need to sleep it off. It’s sort of like intoxication.”

Spock stood up. “Very well. Good night, Captain.”

“Spock,” Jim whispered, his voice cracking just a little.

“Yes?”

“Nothing.” Jim’s breath hitched. “Never mind. I’ll try to keep it down. Sorry to disturb you.”

He merely nodded, went back to his own quarters, and his own bed.


	12. Move On

“All right, I brought the medicine,” Bones announced just after he gained access into Jim’s quarters. He held up a bottle of bourbon and two glasses. He was smiling.

Jim smiled back. “Excellent. Have a seat, Bones.”

Bones helped himself to a large part of the couch in Jim’s quarters, leaving Jim only the very corner, but Jim didn’t mind. It was nice to have company. Someone who didn’t want anything from him other than to be his friend.

Bones handed Jim a glass of Bourbon. “You look like hell, Jim. What ails you?”

“I don’t know. Just tired I guess.”

“You’re not still affected by that woman. What was her name?”

Jim shrugged. “Don’t really remember to be honest. And no. That was yesterday. Didn’t sleep too well though.”

“This should help.” Bones took a swallow of the booze. “It’s Spock, isn’t it?”

Jim looked away from his friend’s too perceptive gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, right. You want some advice?”

“No.”

Bones snorted. “Too bad, kid. You’re gonna get it anyway. You gotta let this go, Jim. It’s eating at you. Spock’s moved on. You need to do the same.”

“I guess.”

“It’s true. Whatever you had back then, it’s done. It’s over. You aren’t getting it back, Jim. Relationships end. Love dies. Spock doesn’t love you anymore.”

Jim ignored the searing pain in his heart at his friend’s words. It fucking hurt, even if deep down he knew Bones was right. “Maybe he never did.” He took a large swallow of the bourbon, let it burn down his throat, even relished it.

“Maybe. Vulcans are cold bastards, that’s for sure.”

“He wasn’t always,” Jim muttered. “Not with me.”

Bones patted his leg. “I know. And it sucks that you got stuck with him for your first officer. But you have to treat things just like he does, Jim. Nothing but professionally. I know you can do it. You’re Jim Kirk. You can do anything.”

Jim laughed. “Thanks, Bones. I can always count on you.”

“Yeah, you can.” Bones stood and grabbed both his bottle and then two empty glasses. “You get some sleep. Doctor’s orders.”

“Yes, Doc. Thanks for the nightcap.”

“Anytime.”

****

Jim stepped onto the bridge and waited as Spock rose from his captain’s chair. Jim nodded briefly and Spock returned to his science station.

“Mr. Chekov.”

“Aye, Keptin?”

“Set a course for Exo III.”

“Course set, sir.”

“Warp four, Mr. Sulu.”

“Aye, Captain.”

The turbolift doors opened behind him, and Jim swung around slightly to greet Bones and Nurse Chapel.

“Excited, Christine?” Jim asked with a smile.

Christine Chapel beamed. “Yes, Captain. I can’t believe I’m going to get to see Roger after all this time.”

“Is he really your fiancé?” Uhura asked.

Christine nodded. “Yes. Roger disappeared about a year ago and I’ve been trying to find out where he was for months.”

“Dr. Roger Korby is an exobiologist,” Spock supplied, coming to stand by their side. “He is highly respected in archeological medicine.”

“That’s correct, Mr. Spock,” Christine said. “When I heard that it was suspected he was on Exo III and we were close to that location, well, I got very excited. I was hoping that my duty on the Enterprise would bring me to Roger.”

Jim smiled. “And so it has.”

When they reached Exo III, Jim turned to Uhura. “Contact Dr. Korby, Lieutenant.”

“Aye, Captain. Hailing frequency open, sir.”

“Dr. Korby, this is Captain James T. Kirk of the Enterprise.”

A slight pause.

“Captain, this is an unexpected…pleasure.”

“Dr. Korby, I’ve got your fiancé here and—”

“Christine? Christine is with you?” Korby sounded excited.

“Yes. She’s quite anxious for your welfare, doctor. Along with Christine, I’m preparing a landing party to come down to Exo III.”

“No, Captain.”

Jim frowned. “No?”

“Christine is very welcome, of course. As are you. But I must insist that only yourself and Christine beam down. What I’m working on is very delicate work, and I don’t want a bunch of Starfleet officers traipsing around down here destroying things.”

Jim exchanged a quick glance with Spock who had once more come to stand by his captain’s chair. “Very well, Dr. Korby. Stand by to receive Christine Chapel and myself. Kirk out.”

“Captain, I do not believe it would be wise to go down to Exo III without a security detail,” Spock said.

Jim rose from his chair. “And I agree with you, Mr. Spock. See that two guards beam down after Nurse Chapel and me. Approximately ten minutes later.”

“Yes, Captain.”

Jim headed for the turbolift. “And you have the conn.”

So far Jim had been managing to quash down his love for Spock. It was hard, actually. And he didn’t think he was entirely successful, not internally anyway, but outwardly no one could be the wiser. He kept everything professional. Didn’t try to invite Spock to join him for meals or chess games or anything. Saw him on the bridge, as it should be. It fucking hurt, but Bones was right. He had to do this.

Waiting for him in the transporter room was Christine. She had a big smile on her face. Jim smiled back.

“I see you’re just as excited as before.”

“I can’t help it, Captain. I haven’t seen Roger in a year. Before he disappeared, we ‘d been planning our wedding.”

“I’m sorry. It must have been difficult for you.”

She nodded. “Yes. At times I almost gave up hope. He’s disappeared on planets before. He gets lost in caves and his work, you see. But never for so long. And eventually he’s always contacted me.” She sighed. “I’m a little worried he didn’t contact me this time to let me know he was all right.”

“I’m sure he had a good reason.” Jim patted her arm. “Let’s go.”

They walked up the steps to the transporter.

“Energize.”

When they reappeared it was in an icy cave. Standing just to the right of their location was a man of approximately forty years old wearing overalls and just behind him was an enormously large bald man who had to be eight foot tall. This man wore bright colorful robes. Jim could swear he was almost as broad as he was tall.

“Christine!?” the forty year old man, Dr. Korby Jim guessed, exclaimed, holding out his arms.

Christine ran to him and was pulled into his embrace. “Oh, Roger, I can hardly believe it.”

“Me, too. I couldn’t be more pleased to see you.” Korby looked over her head. “Captain Kirk, I’m Roger Korby. This is my assistant, Ruk.”

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Korby.” He glanced at Ruk, who glared rather ominously at him.

“If you two will come with me, I’d like to show you what I’ve been working on down here. I think you’ll be amazed.”

Korby, his arm still around Christine, began to walk down a cave corridor.

Ruk stayed behind to stare at Jim.

Jim attempted a smile but he was pretty sure it wasn’t very sincere. “Um, okay. Going.”

He followed after Korby and Christine with Ruk very close on his heels.


	13. Korby

Jim followed Korby and Christine down a long winding path in the caverns. In a couple of places the path was particularly high and narrow and Jim could see falling off the edge would be a long, long way down.

“Be careful on the paths, Captain,” Korby called back to him. “The ice can make them slippery. We wouldn’t want you to fall.”

Jim looked behind him, expecting to see the giant Ruk but was surprised to see he had disappeared. “What happened to Ruk?”

“Oh,” Korby said. “I am sure he’s around somewhere. Probably gone to check on something. He’ll be back soon.”

“Olson to Captain Kirk.”

Jim flipped open his communicator. “Kirk here.”

“We’re here, Captain. Myself and Merriweather. Orders?”

“Follow the paths until you meet up with me and Nurse Chapel. But be careful, some of the path is very narrow and has a drop off. Have Merriweather stay where he is for now.”

“Aye, Captain.”

“I was unaware you were bringing security with you, Captain. I did indicate I wanted you and Christine to come alone.”

“Standard procedure.”

“I see,” Korby said. “Did Christine tell you how the two of us met?”

“No, she didn’t,” Jim admitted.

“She was my student and I her teacher.”

“Roger,” Christine said with a laugh. “He makes it sound worse than it is. We didn’t begin our relationship until after he wasn’t my teacher any longer.”

“Of course not, darling,” Korby said. “Almost there, Captain. These caverns were a real find when we got to this planet. We wouldn’t have survived the freezing temperatures on the surface.”

Suddenly Jim heard a man’s cry not too far from their location. It echoed in the cavern and then faded away. “What was that?”

Dr. Korby paused. “I’m not sure. It sounded like someone falling. Your man perhaps?”

Jim frowned and took his communicator out. “Kirk to Olson.”

“Kirk to Olson.”

Still nothing.

He grimaced. “Kirk to Merriweather.”

“Here, Captain,” Merriweather said instantly.

“Stay on alert. I’m pretty sure we lost Olson. Let’s check in every half an hour.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’m sorry, Captain,” Korby said. “The pathways are hard to navigate. Which was another reason to keep your party very small. Let’s continue.”

They made two more turns, and then walked through a doorway into a large room with tables and chairs and computer equipment.

“Here we are. This is my lab.”

A man, dressed similar to Korby, turned away from the computers when they entered the room. Korby smiled at him.

“This is Dr. Brown, another of my assistants. You recall him, don’t you, Christine?”

She smiled and shook Dr. Brown’s hand. “Of course I do. How wonderful it is to see you again.”

Dr. Brown turned to Jim. “And you must be Captain Kirk.”

Before Jim could reply a door on the other side of the room slid open and a beautiful, brunette woman walked into the room. She wore a crisscross pantsuit that exposed much of her back and stomach. Christine stiffened next to Jim.

“Oh, and this is Andrea. Another assistant,” Korby said.

“Christine,” Andrea said. “Oh, Roger talks about you all time. He’s so thrilled to have you here. We all are.”

Christine did not look thrilled. “I don’t recall Roger mentioning an Andrea.”

“Didn’t I? So sorry, my darling. Now, Captain, you must allow me to tell you about my discoveries.”

Ruk entered the room standing very close to Jim. Jim moved away.

“I want to check in with my man first.” Jim flipped open his communicator. “Kirk to Merriweather. Kirk to Merriweather.”

And just like Olson, he didn’t answer.

Jim frowned. “I don’t like this. I’m calling my ship.”

“Wait, Captain,” Korby said. “I really want to show you my experiments before you contact your ship. It’s important.”

Jim shook his head. “I’ve already lost contact with two crew members. Something’s not right down here.”

Dr. Brown pointed a phaser at him. “Do not communicate with your ship, Captain.”

Christine gasped. “Roger!”

“I’m sorry, Christine, but Dr. Brown is right. We can’t have your captain contacting the ship. Captain, if you’ll just let me show you, everything will become very clear.”

Jim lowered his communicator but then lunged for Andrea. He held her in front of him, his arm around her neck and fired his phaser at Dr. Brown. Brown collapsed to the ground his stomach bursting open to reveal wires and machinery.

Christine screamed and Jim released Andrea who ran to the side.

Ruk descended on Jim and pulled him off the ground and slammed him into the wall.

“Ruk, no,” Korby said. “Release the captain.”

Ruk lowered Jim to the ground. Not very gently either.

“Well, now you know one of our secrets, Captain,” Korby said. “When we arrived on the planet, I discovered Ruk, an android left by the previous occupants of the planet. He’d been guarding the machinery for many years. I’m not even sure Ruk knows how long it’s been. Dr. Brown was dying, so he was the first android I made with Ruk’s help. This is what I want to show you, Captain. I want your full attention.”

“By keeping me prisoner?”

“A necessary evil to be sure. And you will not be harmed.”

Christine was staring at Ruk, a little bit in horror.

“He won’t harm you, Christine, I promise. In fact, Ruk will obey your orders as well as mine. Won’t you, Ruk?”

“As you wish.”

“I’m afraid Ruk is responsible for the loss of your men, Captain. Against my wishes. But Ruk’s programming is to protect this place. He saw them as a threat. Ruk, you are not to harm Christine.”

“Very well,” Ruk said.

“My first officer is going to begin to wonder about us, Korby. We should have checked in by now,” Jim pointed out.

“You’re absolutely right, Captain. Ruk?”

Ruk flipped open Jim’s communicator. The communicator he’d seized from Jim earlier when Ruk had thrown him into the wall. “Kirk to the Enterprise.”

Jim stared, his gut twisting. Ruk had used Jim’s exact voice.

“Spock here, Captain. We were beginning to worry. You are past your check-in time.”

“Everything is fine here,” Ruk said. “Dr. Korby is showing us his experiments. They’re fascinating.”

“Are you certain, Captain?” Spock asked after a lengthy pause. “You sound tired.”

“I’m fine, Spock. Kirk out.”

Jim clenched his jaw. “You’ve thought of everything, haven’t you?”

“I do hope so,” Korby said. “What I want from you, Captain, is for your ship to take us to a new planet where I can create even more androids. You see how lifelike they can be. Andrea is one, also. Andrea, kiss Captain Kirk.”

The beautiful brunette walked over to Jim, looped her arms around his neck, and kissed him deeply on the lips. She pulled back.

“Now, slap him.”

She whacked him hard across the face. Jim blinked at the sting.

“There, you see? There’s no emotion in either. She’s merely a machine. A beautiful one, but a machine nonetheless. My plan is to make better androids, where we put the very essence of humans into a machine. Your soul if you will, can be transferred into an exact duplicate. Your memories, your mental capacity. Everything just like the real thing. Even with emotions and feelings. Think of it, Captain, we can have immortality this way. None of us need ever die.”

Jim nodded. “I see. Well, you’ve convinced me.”

Korby smiled. “Have I?”

“Yes. You’ve convinced me you’re insane.”

Jim tried to run for the exit but Ruk was too fast. The giant android picked Jim up and tossed him into the wall. The last thing he heard was Christine screaming.

****

Jim woke up strapped into some kind of large round contraption. All but his boxer briefs had been removed. There was some kind of partition between him and the other half of the circular slab he lay on.

Korby entered the room together with Christine. She gasped when she saw Jim.

“Oh, don’t worry, Christine. He’s not being harmed. That is not my intention. I’m going to show you exactly how we make an android by creating one just like your captain.” Korby glanced at his assistants. “Start the process.”

Suddenly Jim found himself spinning around and around with increasing speed. He began to feel dizzy, lightheaded, as it got faster and faster. It seemed the rotation went on and on, but finally it slowed to a stop.

“Now, tell me, darling,” Korby said. “Which one of them is your captain?”

Christine bit her lip. “I…I don’t know. I honestly can’t tell. They look exactly the same.”

Korby smiled widely. “There you see. Synthetic organs are in place, everything matches physically, even his vital signs will be the same. Now we just need to transfer the same memories, the same thoughts, the same mental capacity and knowledge to the android. Don’t worry, this won’t hurt him either. But after this it will be nearly impossible for anyone to tell the difference. Even close associates.”

 _Shit_. Jim could already see where this was going and it couldn’t be good. A replica of him running his ship? Over his fucking dead body.

“Breaking up with me was the stupidest thing you’ve ever done, Spock,” Jim said. “Breaking up with me was the stupidest thing you’ve ever done, Spock.” He kept repeating it as Korby flipped another switch. He only hoped it would work and Spock would get it and realize the android was an imposter.


	14. Androids

Spock was about to lecture a recalcitrant ensign regarding irresponsibility for laboratory equipment when Captain Kirk walked past him.

Spock stared after his captain, as he had not been informed the captain was returning to the ship. “Dismissed,” he told the ensign, who practically ran in his eagerness to get away from Spock.

“Captain?” Spock called after Kirk.

Kirk entered his quarters and Spock entered right behind him.

“Captain, I was unaware you had beamed back on board the Enterprise.”

Kirk barely glanced at him as he opened a drawer next to his bed. “I needed something from my quarters. Dr. Korby is looking for a planet for his experiments to be moved to. I keep a log of various planets and what I know about them.” He pulled out a book.    

The captain looked the same and yet…Spock knew something was off. His words were not particularly stilted but there was a slight inflection that wasn’t quite correct in the way Kirk was speaking. He suspected having a three year relationship with Kirk made him more qualified to note a difference. He was about to ask the captain what was wrong, when Kirk stopped in front of Spock.

Kirk shook his head. “Breaking up with me was the stupidest thing you’ve ever done, Spock.”

Spock stared at Kirk.

Kirk smiled then and stepped around Spock to go to the door.

“Captain?”

Kirk stopped and looked at Spock. “Anything wrong, Spock?”

There was quite a bit wrong, of course, but Spock said, “Are you returning to the planet now, Captain?”

“Yeah, Korby’s anxious to get this information. Once a planet is chosen they’ll be coming up to the ship along with all of his equipment. Shouldn’t take too long.” Kirk hesitated, then asked, “Everything all right with the ship?”

Spock stepped closer to the door. “Yes, Captain.” The captain was about to turn away when Spock gripped his wrist, below the sleeve of his uniform. During their prior acquaintance, Spock had always been able to feel Jim’s surface emotions very strongly with barely a touch. It had been one of the reasons he had believed a bond between them would be agreeable. Now as his fingertips brushed the pulse of Kirk’s wrist, Spock felt nothing. Just blankness.

Kirk pulled his wrist away, but the smile was still on his face. “If there’s nothing else, Spock, I’ll see you later.”

“No, there is nothing, Captain.”

They exited Kirk’s quarters and Spock watched him as he strode down the hall toward the turbolift, book clutched in his hands.

“Spock to security. I will need three security guards to accompany me down to the planet. Meet me in the transporter room in ten minutes. Spock out.”

He was about to enter the transporter room when Dr. McCoy called out to him.

“Spock, you’re overdue for a recheck after—”

“I do not have time for a lengthy discussion, doctor,” Spock advised. “I am about to beam down to the planet.”

McCoy frowned. “Did something happen to Jim? I heard he had beamed back aboard.”

“Someone claiming to be Captain Kirk did board the Enterprise, but he has returned to the surface below.”

“Someone claiming to be? What the hell does that mean?”

“Whoever it was, doctor, they were an imposter.”

“You gotta be kidding me?”

Spock arched a brow. “I am not in the habit of engaging in dubious humor, doctor, especially when it relates to a fraudulent member of the command team.”

“I’m going with you.”

“I would rather you did not.”

McCoy snorted. “I’d rather a lot of things didn’t happen, Spock, nevertheless, if Jim is in trouble, I’m going.”

The longer he argued with McCoy the longer Kirk could be in danger, so Spock merely nodded and entered the transporter room with Dr. McCoy at his heels.

****

“The android of yourself, Captain, is even now on your ship obtaining information for our eventual colonization of a planet suited to our purposes,” Korby announced.

“And then what? You’ll board my ship and leave me behind while he takes over my life?” Jim demanded.

“I would have preferred that was not the case, I assure you. I had hoped to be able to convince you.”

Christine bit her lip. “What about me, Roger?”

“Well, you’ll accompany us to the planet, of course. The android will make a perfectly satisfactory captain of the Enterprise. No one will be able to tell. Even you couldn’t.”

Christine hugged herself. “But I don’t really know him that well, Roger.”

Korby dismissed this. “You’ll see.” He took Christine’s arm. “Come, I want to show you something.” He looked pointedly at Ruk as he left the room with Christine Chapel, leaving Ruk alone with Jim.

“So, what are your orders now, Ruk? To dispose of me?”

Ruk nodded. “Yes. You are of no use to us now.”

Jim shifted so he was behind a table. “Tell me about the people who came from here.”

“The old ones,” Ruk said. “I remember them.”

“Yeah, what were they like? What happened to the old ones?”

“They had the technology. They made us but then began to fear us. Those they had created. We began to have thoughts of our own, not programmed into us. Self-preservation. They destroyed those they had made.”

Jim nodded. “But not you, Ruk.”

“I destroyed them before they could end me.” Ruk shook his head. “It was peaceful here until the others came.”

“You mean Korby?”

“Yes.”

“And now he’s brought us here.”

Ruk nodded. “Yes. More invaders.”

“Ruk, before you—” Korby stepped back into the room, followed by Christine.

Ruk turned on him. “You brought them here. You are responsible.”

“Ruk! I order you to cease,” Korby exclaimed as Ruk grabbed for him. Jim dashed to the other side of the room next to Christine while Korby struggled with the large android.

Korby gasped and pulled away, pulling out a phaser. He shot Ruk who disappeared.

“I had to do that,” Korby said. “I didn’t want to. I had no choice.”

Christine screamed and Jim followed her gaze. A piece of skin had been torn away from Korby’s wrist revealing that he too was only a machine.

“Oh, Roger.”

Korby looked crestfallen but he tried to get closer to her. “Christine, I’m still the same man. When we crash landed on this planet, I was damaged. I had frostbite. I was fading fast, wasn’t going to last. Dr. Brown, too. Ruk helped me to create this body as well as Brown. Everything about me is still the same.”

“No,” she whispered brokenly, then buried her face against Jim, who put his arm around her.

Andrea walked in holding a phaser. “I saw Kirk in the corridor and he was acting suspicious so I shot—” She stopped staring at Jim. “Oh.”

“Your precious Kirk android is gone, Korby,” Jim said. “She killed it. Now what are you going to do?”

Korby turned away. “I don’t know. Everything is falling apart. I don’t know what to do.” He turned back to Christine. “Please? I can be what you need. All I have to do is calculate…I mean…analyze…no, that is not right.”

“No, it isn’t,” she whispered.

Andrea walked over to him. “But don’t you see? We don’t need them. You don’t need her. I can love you.”

Korby shook his head. “You are only a machine. You don’t have feelings. You can’t.”

“But I love you,” Andrea insisted, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. Korby pulled the phaser from her hand and aimed it at them both. Korby shot the two of them and the two androids disappeared before their eyes.

Jim gave Christine a sympathetic look. “I’m really sorry.”

“That wasn’t Roger,” she whispered.

“Captain Kirk! Captain?”

Jim felt giddy relief at the sound of Spock’s voice. “In here, Spock.”

Spock appeared in the doorway, followed by security and Bones. They all held phasers at the ready.

Jim smiled. “Bones, Spock, good to see you.”

“What the hell, Jim?” Bones demanded.

“Where is Dr. Korby, Captain?” Spock asked.

He shook his head. “Dr. Korby…was never here. Let’s get off this planet.”

****

After some unnecessary poking and prodding by Bones, Jim headed to his quarters, needing a shower and some serious food. He was a little surprised to run into Spock who was about to also enter his quarters.

“Hey, Spock.”

“Captain.”

“Listen, um, about what the android said—”

“No explanation is necessary, Captain. Your method of ensuring I would recognize the android was most efficient.”

Jim licked his lips and nodded. He leaned against the bulkhead, probably closer to where Spock stood than he ought to be standing. “You might have figured it out even without that though.”

“There was something not quite correct about the android,” Spock acknowledged.

Without even really thinking about it, Jim moved closer still. There was something about Spock. Hell, there had always been something about Spock. And whatever it was, it made Jim feel safe in a way no one or nothing ever had. He’d been a fool to give that up. Jim knew that.

Jim opened his mouth with the sudden thought to ask Spock if he wanted to eat with him or something, but then—

_“Spock doesn’t love you anymore.”_

–echoed in his head in Bones’ voice.

He exhaled slowly at the constriction in his chest and stepped back toward the door of his own quarters. “Anyway, I guess, I’ll see you later.”

Jim forced himself to turn away and code the entry to his quarters.

“Captain?”

“Yeah?” Once Spock had called him Jim.

“If you are amenable to a game of chess, I will be in the rec room at 1900 hundred hours.”

He swallowed, nodded. “Sounds good." He watched as Spock disappeared into his own quarters.


	15. A Game of Chess

The rec room was more crowded than Spock would have liked and for a moment he suspected he wouldn’t find a table for him to set up the chess game.

Nyota touched his arm. “There’s one. Way over in the corner.”

They made their way over to that corner table. When Spock had advised Nyota during dinner together that he would be playing chess with their captain, she had insisted on coming to the rec room with him.

“I still don’t think this is a great idea, Spock,” she said as she watched Spock set up the three dimensional set.

“You have voiced your concerns.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Hmm. And you intend to completely ignore me.”

“I listened to your objections.”

“And dismissed them.”

“It is a game of chess between two crew members, Nyota.”

“Two crew members?” Nyota shook her head. “That’s like saying Beethoven just composed music. I don’t know how he talked you into this.”

“He did not. I invited him.”

Nyota straightened. “He just walked in.”

Spock watched as Kirk glanced around and then noticed them in the corner. The captain’s gaze went from open to guarded. He stopped just inside the door, making no move to approach the table where Spock was located.

“He looks sad,” Nyota commented.

Spock thought the same. Although perhaps more defeated than sad. Then Kirk shook his head very slightly and moved toward them.

“Commander, Lieutenant.”

Nyota smiled and got up from the chair. “Hello, Captain. I was keeping Spock company until you arrived.” She glanced toward another part of the room where Christine Chapel and Yeoman Rand were talking. “I’ll catch you later, Spock. Captain.”

“Goodnight,” Kirk murmured.

“Will you sit?” Spock asked.

“Actually I need coffee. You want something?”

“Vulcan Spiced Tea.”

“You got it.”

Kirk returned from the synthesizers two minutes later and set down their beverages.

“You appear more rested than when I last saw you,” Spock remarked.

“I got some sleep. And a shower. And food. It helps.”

“It was unfortunate that Dr. Korby had already perished. He had a brilliant mind.”

Kirk nodded. “I felt bad for Christine, too. She really loved him.” Kirk took a sip of his coffee. “You, ah, and Uhura are closer than ever I see.”

Spock watched as the captain made his first move. “Yes. You and Dr. McCoy are also close.”

Kirk smiled just a little. “Not in the same way.”

Spock was uncertain what way Kirk referred to so he did not address it. He found over the course of the game that Kirk had become a very skilled player.

“Your time on the Farragut was successful as far as your chess skills, Captain.”

“A compliment, Spock?” Jim smiled. “I had some good instructors.”

“Indeed.”

The captain had arrived with his PADD and it beeped. He picked it up and glanced at it, frowning instantly.

“Bad news, Captain?”

“Hmm. I don’t think so. New orders. We’re supposed to go to a sector near Starbase 200 to do some mapping of an uninhabited planet. Reports of a little energy fluctuation in the area though.” Kirk moved his piece without looking up. “I’m sending a message to the bridge to plot a course.”

“A routine mission then?”

“Seems that way. I guess we’ll see soon enough.” Kirk looked up, watched Spock move his piece. Then he leaned forward and moved his. “Checkmate.”

Spock stared at the board trying to figure out just how Kirk had beat him. Before he could speak though, a shadow appeared across the table.

“Jim, can I have a word with you?” Dr. McCoy asked, glaring down at the two of them.

Kirk looked startled. “Uh, sure, Bones.” He stood up. “Thanks for the game, Spock.”

Spock inclined his head. “Perhaps a rematch on another day?”

“Anytime,” Kirk replied, then the doctor seized Kirk’s arm and led him away.

****

“Bones, what the hell? Couldn’t you see I was busy?”

Bones snorted. “I saw. And I gotta ask, Jim, are you out of your corn fed mind?”

“Huh?”

“ _Spock_ , Jim? I thought we talked about this.”

“We did and it was just a game between friends, Bones.”

“Friends?” Bones rolled his eyes. “I know how that goes. You forget, Jim, I was there back in the academy with you when you first decided to be friends with the hobgoblin.  _‘Oh, it’s nothing, Bones, we’re just friends’_. Next thing I knew you were sitting on his lap, petting his pointed ears.”

Jim blushed. “Shut up.”

“Am I wrong? And then what happened? You never got the emotional commitment you wanted from the robot, and you acted like a damn fool, and got hurt.” Bones shook his head. “Isn’t that about it?”

“That won’t happen, Bones. Not this time.”

“So you didn’t think of that little chess match as a date?”

Jim laughed and shook his head. “What? No. No. Of course not. I’m pretty sure he’s with Uhura anyway.”

“Hmm. Well, just be careful.”

“Please tell me you didn’t interrupt us to give me a ‘don’t get hurt by Spock’ lecture.”

“No,” Bones said. “Well, that was part of it. But no. I’ve got a few cases of crew members coming into sickbay with some unusual symptoms.”

Jim frowned. “Like what?”

“Night sweats, hallucinations. Red eyes. Fever. Bad fever. Haven’t been able to figure it out yet. But the ones that have come in so far were down on that mining planet a week or so ago.”

“Shit. They pick up something there?”

“That’s my thought. I want to keep all those that went down there in sickbay until I figure what we’re dealing with. So far it doesn’t seem like they’ve passed it on to anyone but I don’t really know what we’re dealing with, Jim.”

“Fuck. I was down on that mining planet.”

Bones nodded. “I know, so yeah, I want you in sickbay.”

“But I don’t feel sick, Bones.”

“Even so.”

“Wait. Spock was, too.”

Bones glanced to where Spock still sat. He grinned. “That’s right. Well, I guess I’m gonna have a green-blooded patient, too.”

“Who’s gonna run my ship?”

“Scotty can stay on the bridge. If you don’t get sick, you and the hobgoblin can run it from sickbay. Most stuff anyway.” Bones shrugged. “Come on, Jim. We need to get this under control.”

“Fine. But you get to go tell Spock.”

“I’d love to.”


	16. Sickbay

“I doubt that I have been afflicted with this illness, doctor,” Spock told Bones in his snootiest voice. He was being forced to lay in the biobed next to Jim’s. But he was not at all pleased.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Bones calmly replied.

“Vulcan physiology differs from humans.”

“No kidding,” Bones said, his voice now dripping with sarcasm. “You’re still half human.”

“However my physiology favors my Vulcan side.”

Bones shot a glance to Jim.

Jim barely repressed a sigh. “Spock, stop giving Bones a hard time. He has to make sure those of us who were down on the mining planet weren’t infected with…whatever.”

“How long is this confinement?” Spock asked.

“I don’t know yet,” Bones said, studying his PADD. “Right now we’re running tests on the crew members who arrived here sick. We’re doing blood tests on you and Jim too. At the moment you two are the only ones who aren’t showing symptoms. So far it’s been isolated to only those that went to the planet. We’re going to test those they’ve come in contact with.”

“That could potentially be quite a few since we came back a week ago,” Jim commented.

“It is unfortunate you didn’t discover this earlier, doctor.”

Bones scowled at him but said nothing. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Neither of you are to do a thing or touch anything.”

Jim frowned. “But Bones—”

“Quiet.”

“Doctor—”

“Shut up,” Bones said. He smiled when they both closed their mouths. “That’s much better. I’m in charge here. You two have to do what I say.”

Jim narrowed his eyes but said nothing until Bones walked away. “He’s way too happy about that.”

“Indeed.”

Jim sighed and closed his eyes. “Sorry about this, Spock.”

“It is hardly your fault, Captain.”

He felt the ache in his chest he always felt when Spock called him _captain_ in that cool detached voice. He should be used to it by now and anyway he wasn’t entirely sure even if they still did have an intimate relationship Spock wouldn’t insist on sticking to protocol.

“I know. But this sucks. I hate just laying around.”

“I am aware you have always been high energy.”

Jim felt a twinge at another reminder of their previous relationship. He told himself sometimes that it probably wouldn’t have worked between them anyway. He was too excitable and emotional for Spock.

Except in the beginning everything had seemed so perfect. Spock acted like Jim mattered more to him than anyone in the whole universe. He didn’t seem to care that Jim could be reckless, impetuous and illogical. He didn’t know where he had gone wrong.

“Captain?”

Drawn out of his own melancholy thoughts, Jim said, “Yeah?”

“I just wished to ascertain if you were feeling any of the symptoms of the illness.”

“No, no I’m not. Just thinking. It’s a shame about Uhura.” He glanced at Spock and saw his brows furrowed in what was likely confusion.

“To my knowledge Nyota is not ill.”

Jim sighed. “That’s not what I meant. She must feel bad that she can’t come see you while you are in sickbay.”

“She has duties to attend to. I do not believe she is unduly concerned.”

He forced a smile. “Well, that’s good then. Hopefully Bones won’t keep us in here for long.”

“Captain, I believe you are under a mistaken impression.”

“Oh?”

“Nyota is my friend.”

“Right.”

“Only.”

Jim wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He was glad, relieved actually, to hear it, but on the other hand it really didn’t mean much for him, for them. Spock still didn’t love him, as Bones had pointed out. He decided neutrality was best. “Oh. Okay. I thought maybe.” He shook his head. “Never mind. Either way it’s not my business. As long as your duties are performed that’s all that matters.”

“Yes, Captain.”

God, he was an idiot. He should feel better knowing Spock and Uhura weren’t a couple, but he really didn’t. He just felt stupid and alone. Like always.

Bones came back to their biobeds, looking rather consternated.

“Bad news?”

“McNaught’s fever is worse. His eyes look like they’re filled with blood.”

Jim frowned, glanced at Spock, who was looking at him. “Was he the first one to come into sickbay?”

“Yeah, for now I’m calling him patient zero. He’s pretty delirious now but when he first came in I did ask him if he touched anything down in the mines. He didn’t mention anything specific that he could recall.”

“We need to contact the miners and advise them what we’re dealing with,” Jim said.

Bones nodded. “I already did. According to the guy in charge no one has mentioned being sick and he hasn’t seen any signs of it. He’ll report anything unusual.”

“Damn.”

“You’re telling me,” Bones said with a sigh. “Nothing I’ve used on the patients displaying symptoms has made any difference to their conditions. I’m having Christine checking the databanks to see if there are any other diseases that have been reported that seem similar.”

“And still no spread to other members of the crew?” Spock asked.

“No. Which is good. I’m not sure how it spreads but it doesn’t seem to be airborne at this point.”

Jim mulled that. “They must have come in contact with something down there. Maybe something only they touched.”

“I’m not sure how long the incubation is on this thing, Jim. I want to keep you and Spock for another couple of days at least.”

“Okay,” Jim said with a nod. “Do what you have to do.”

****

He was burning up, burning up. So hot, so damn hot. He kicked the covers away, but still he was on fire. Sweating, boiling. His neck was the worst. He wanted to scratch it up, tear it from the rest of his body. Why was it making him so hot?

“Captain?”

“Spock.”

“Captain, are you all right?”

There were hands on him, gripping him, pulling at him, shaking him. The hands were cool, like ice on his burning skin. He craved it.

“Please…touch me.”

“Captain—”

“So hot. Spock, please. Please. I need.”

He couldn’t see Spock. He felt his cool hands but all he saw was a haze. Cloudy and unclear.

“I am getting Dr. McCoy.”

“No, I don’t love him, I love you. Stay with me.”

“Jim—”

“Spock.”

“You are unwell.”

Suddenly there was light and other voices, and then Bones was leaning over him, or at least he thought it was Bones. He was so blurry.

“Bones?”

“Yeah, Jim. It’s going to be okay.”

But Jim didn’t think it was. He might be burning up, he might be desperately in love with his first officer who didn’t love him at all, but he also knew that he had the illness.

“God, I have it, don’t I?”

There was an ominous silence.

“Bones?”

“Yes, Jim.”

“Fuck. Get Spock out of here.”

“Captain—”

“I mean it. Get him as far away as possible. And you too. You have to be careful.”

“I know, Jim,” Bones said softly.

There was something else, something bad. Jim could tell. Bones was being too gentle, too soft with him.

“What aren’t you telling me?” Jim asked.

“McNaught has died, Jim.”

“Jesus.”  


	17. Isolation

“Stay out of there, Spock,” McCoy told Spock as he was about to open the isolation room. “He’s in isolation. Only trained medical personnel with protective clothing is allowed access.”

Spock nodded. “I will put on protective clothing.”

“Have you become a doctor or a nurse recently? I said trained medical personnel.”

“I have not,” Spock said calmly. “I would like to see the captain.”

McCoy frowned. “For what purpose?”

“Perhaps a meld could delay the onslaught of the disease.”

“I don’t know, Spock. Wouldn’t that require skin to skin contact?”

“Yes,” Spock admitted. “But you yourself have indicated there is no sign I have been infected with the contagion.”

“Even still.” McCoy shook his head and started to turn away.

Spock touched his arm. “Doctor, the captain—”

“Don’t you think I know it? No one cares more about Jim than I do. No one. Certainly not you. You were his boyfriend for three years and now you barely acknowledge him.”

“My relationship with James Kirk both in the past and at present is none of your concern, doctor.”

“Maybe so. But Jim is my patient. My responsibility. Not yours.”

“If it can help him, why would you not allow it? If you care as much about him as you claim—”

McCoy narrowed his eyes. “You green blooded—”

“You are wasting time the captain does not have trying to argue with me out of a sense of grandstanding as to who cares more about the captain,” Spock said coolly.

“Right now, you, everyone, has to be protected from this. The miners notified me that they have crew who have shown signs of the infection as well. Michaelson has gotten worse. Just like McNaught did just before he died.”

Spock shook his head. “The Captain will not die.”

McCoy sighed. “Unfortunately, we have to face facts. It’s pretty likely that he will die. Unless we can get some miracle cure. It’s true you don’t seem to have it. We can’t find any sign of it in you. I guess your Vulcan physiology saved you. But you’re going to have to prepare yourself for being captain. You’re already acting captain now.”

Spock refused to accept that Jim would die. “What is being done to find a cure?”

“M’Benga’s in the labs.” McCoy shook his head. “So far—”

“I will assist him in the labs,” Spock interrupted. “After I have melded with the captain.”

Dr. McCoy sighed. “Anyone ever tell you that you’re incredibly stubborn?”

“I believe you have, on many occasions. We are wasting time.”

“Get the protective gear from Christine.”

Spock nodded and went to find Nurse Chapel.

****

Jim was a mass of shivering when Spock entered the isolation room. Spock found more blankets and placed them around the captain. His skin was bright red and blistery. Beads of sweat dotted his flushed skin and once in a while Jim moaned in pain.

Spock struggled for control. Giving into his emotions would not save Jim. He steepled his fingers together and brought calm to himself. Once he touched Jim, he knew it would be a struggle not to give into the turmoil.

Jim moaned and Spock stepped closer. Jim’s eyelids rose just slightly but Spock could not make out the color of Jim’s eyes, they were too red.

“Spock?”

“Yes, Jim.”

“I’m dying.”

 _No_ , his Vulcan half cried in protest. His human half had his heart slamming hard in his side.

“You are not.”

“I thought Vulcans didn’t lie,” Jim said in a barely discernable whisper.

“We do not, therefore, you will live. I demand it.” Spock removed his glove and reached toward the psi-points on Jim’s face. “Be silent.”

Spock tried not to go too deeply into Jim’s mind. He was aware Jim would be particularly vulnerable right now, and in fact had already spoken words to Spock that Spock was certain Jim very much hadn’t wanted to say. When Jim recovered—and he would recover—it was almost a certainty he would not recall his declaration to Spock.

It was burned into Spock, nevertheless.

He found the sources of Jim’s pain and did his best to block them. He knew he had succeeded at least a small measure when Jim’s breathing relaxed.

Spock removed his hand before he was tempted to linger too long in Jim’s mind. Even feverish it was extremely compelling. During their academy relationship Spock had only done very shallow surface melds though his mind had always ached for more whenever it touched Jim’s mind. Jim had been uncomfortable with the melds, making jokes about brain harvesting, so Spock had not pushed it. In hindsight, Spock could have done better at explaining his requirements as a Vulcan. He’d always supposed there would be time, but James Kirk had never been patient.

“Spock?”

“Yes, ashayam?”

“Better.”

“I am glad. Sleep now. You will be well soon.”

Spock turned and left isolation.

****

Jim opened his eyes slowly and at first it was clear he had no idea where he was. His gaze remained focused on the ceiling and Spock and McCoy waited, perhaps both of them holding their breaths a bit.

Jim exhaled, his whole chest shaking with breaths. His tongue darted out to trace over his likely chapped lips. And then, finally, his head turned in their direction.

“Spock? Bones?”

Dr. McCoy smiled and stepped close. His hand went to the captain’s face and he brushed hair off his forehead. “How are you feeling, darlin’?”

Spock felt just a little twist of jealousy at their closeness. Illogical.

“Better. Much better. What…what happened?”

“Well, Jim, M’Benga and Spock worked in the lab for the past three days and found the cure,” McCoy told the captain. “We tried it on Michaelson first, since he was worse than you, and he’s doing well. We’ve given it to everyone now. And we’re in contact with the miners, too.”

Jim nodded, wearily. “Where’d it come from? Ever figure out?”

“They think maybe a spider they found down in the mines. They’re still researching it. But you all did have what appears to be bites. Yours was on your neck.”

Jim’s gaze strayed to Spock and he smiled a little. “You okay?”

“Yes, Captain.”

“Thanks for this.”

Spock inclined his head. “It is my duty to assure the safety of the ship’s captain and crew.”

  Jim’s smile faded. “I know. But thanks.” His gaze went back to McCoy. “And thanks to you, too. And thank M’Benga for me.”

“I will,” McCoy assured him. “You get some rest. A little later we’ll bring you something to eat. I want you in here a few more days.”

Jim was already closing his eyes. “Okay.”

Spock turned and left the room. He was almost out of the sickbay when McCoy stopped him.

“Spock.”

“Doctor?”

“I’ve figured it out, by the way.”

“Figured what out?”

“You don’t hate Jim.”

Spock arched a brow. “Of course not, doctor. Excuse me. I am needed on the bridge.”

When he reached the bridge, Nyota approached him, her eyes filled with concern.

“Well?”

Spock nodded. “He has awakened and is on the road to recovery.”

She touched his arm. “I’m glad. He’s not always my favorite guy but he’s a great captain and I know he’s important to you.”

Spock said nothing. There was nothing to be said.

“You look exhausted. How much sleep have you gotten these last few days?” she asked him.

He hadn’t gotten more than an hour or two but he had meditated. That would have to do for now.

“Do not be concerned, I will sleep when the captain has returned to duty.”

She rolled her eyes but went back to her station and Spock took the captain’s chair, illogically relieved.  


	18. Ashayam

Being stuck in sickbay was about as bad a thing as Jim could imagine. He hated sitting still. At least he was no longer in isolation, but he was pretty sure Bones just wanted to torture him at this point and that was why he hadn’t released him to his quarters.

Jim sniffed himself, and then wrinkled his nose.

“That’s actually weird you know,” Bones told him, approaching the biobed.

“I reek.”

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“When can I get out of here? I need a real shower. Not one of those stupid sponge bath things.”

Bones scanned him, pursing his lips. “It hasn’t been that long you know.”

“It’s been forever.”

“Quit whining.”

Jim huffed. “I’m the last one in here, aren’t I?”

“Yeah.” Bones lowered his scanner. “All right, I’ll release you.”

“Hot damn.” Jim started to rise.

“To your quarters. Not duty.”

“Seriously?” Jim grumbled.

“I don’t joke around about your health, Jim. You’re still weak. I want you confined to quarters for twenty four hours. And before you ask, yeah you can do reports.”

Jim smiled.

“The next day you can do a half shift and then the third day I’ll release you to full duty.”

“You’re tough, Bones.”

Bones snorted. “I gotta be around you or you’d walk all over me. You’re actually the worst patient I’ve ever had.”

Jim scowled. “Am not.”

“Oh, yeah you are. I’ll have Chapel bring you a change of clothes and instructions for your confinement.”

Jim nodded. “Anything, as long as I get out of here.”

Bones rolled his eyes and walked away.

Jim had just finished putting on the clothes Christine Chapel had brought him when Spock suddenly appeared at his bedside.

“Hi, Spock.”

“Captain. You are being released?”

“Yep. Bones has me off for another day. Though, make sure you send me any reports I need to do. He said I could do those.”

“Yes, Captain.”

“How’s the ship?”

“Stable. We are nearing the sector by Starbase 200 now. I anticipate reaching it in fifty three hours.”

“Good. Care to escort me to my quarters?”

Spock nodded and they left sickbay. Jim started breathing easier at once.

They didn’t say anything as they made their way to Jim’s quarters and he wasn’t quite sure what he had expected from Spock. He could almost think of something he thought he was supposed to remember. And it occurred to him just as they reached his door.

“Hey, Spock?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“What does ashayam mean?”

Spock visibly stiffened and if Jim didn’t know any better he’d swear Spock was blushing. “Ashayam?”

Jim nodded. “I know it’s Vulcan. You used it once back when…before. Um, before. And then, I think you used it in the sickbay when I was in isolation. You were there, weren’t you?”

“Captain—”

Jim took a step closer to Spock and studied him. “You were, weren’t you?”

“Yes. I was there to use a meld to assist with your symptoms. I apologize for the invasion.”

“No, don’t. Thank you. It helped. I remember it helped. But that word…”

“It is not an important word, Captain. If you will excuse me, I will return to the bridge now. If there is anything you require, let me know.”

Jim nodded. “Sure, Spock. Thanks.”

He entered his cabin, found it just like he left it, which was good, actually. The first thing he did was take a long hot shower, with water, and then after he pulled on a T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants he sat in front of his terminal.

Instead of logging into his reports though, he searched for the Vulcan word, ashayam. He didn’t know why he hadn’t done it years ago, actually.

It had been one night during the second year of their time together in the academy. Jim’d had a terrible day and Spock had been so gentle with him that Jim had ended up crying. He’d been so damn embarrassed but Spock had held him and called him, ashayam.

“Beloved,” Jim read aloud. His breath caught, his chest feeling suddenly very tight. Had Bones been wrong? Did Spock still care about him? And why was there something he felt like he should remember. It was just on the edge of his mind, but he couldn’t quite bring it into clarity. He pressed a button.

“Jim?” Bones answered. “Feeling poorly already?”

“No. Bones, did…I didn’t say anything weird in sickbay, did I?”

There was a long pause.

“Weird?” And speaking of weird…Bones sounded weird.

Jim frowned. “I did, didn’t I?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say weird, exactly.”

“Fuck a duck. What did I say, Bones? Out with it.”

“You, uh, may have told Spock you loved him.”

Jim forgot to breathe for a second. “Oh. My. Fucking. God. Wait. What? I _told_ him? He was there?”

“You were delirious with fever.” Bones paused. “I doubt he took you seriously.”

Jim pinched the bridge of his nose. “I need to talk to him.”

“Do you think that’s wise?”

 _Ashayam_.

“Yeah. I think…I think maybe he still has feelings for me.”

“Why do you think that?”

“He called me a Vulcan endearment.”

“Oh.” Bones sighed. “He was very concerned for you in sickbay. More than just a first officer, I would say.”

“Okay, thanks, Bones. Talk later.”

He disconnected and leaned back in his chair. He’d told Spock he loved him and Spock had called him beloved.

Jim really wanted to know why he hadn’t looked up that word back at the academy. He’d been so busy feeling sorry for himself he hadn’t focused on it. And he should have. Because he was pretty sure the answer he—the young idiotic Jim he used to be—sought was right there in that word.

He messaged Spock.

 _I know_.

It was only three minutes later when Spock’s reply arrived.

_Know what, Captain?_

Jim waited a minute or two, so not to seem as eager as a puppy, even though he kind of was.

 _I know what ashayam means_.


	19. A New Beginning

“Spock, are you okay?” Nyota asked him, coming up to the captain’s chair where he sat.

“The captain.”

She frowned. “Has he taken a turn for the worse?”

“Negative.” Spock shook his head. “It is necessary for me to see him.” He stood. “Mr. Sulu, you have the conn.”

“Spock,” Nyota called after him as he was about to enter the turbolift.

“Yes, Nyota?”

She grimaced. “Just…be careful. All right?”

He inclined his head. “I am always careful.”

“Did something happen between you and Kirk?”

“Clarify.”

“It’s just you’ve been different since we found out Kirk was going to be all right.”

“I am, of course, pleased the captain will recover.”

She shook her head. “I’m pleased too. But, Spock, it’s me. I know how you felt about him. Still feel about him. Maybe he’s changed, I don’t know, but I’m concerned for you.”

“Thank you for your concern.” Spock let the turbolift doors close in Nyota’s face and chose the floor with the captain’s quarters.

When he reached the captain’s cabin, however, Spock hesitated. He was not quite sure what he would say, what he should say, and what the captain would say.

Spock turned away and the door opened.

“Spock?”

Spock turned back to see the captain standing in the doorway of his quarters. “Captain.”

Jim smiled a little. It was not one of his bright, blinding smiles, but rather one of his self-deprecating smiles. “You can come in if you want.”

Spock said nothing.

“Or not. Up to you.”

“I will come in for a moment,” Spock said finally.

Jim nodded and stepped back to allow Spock room to enter his quarters. The door slid closed and they both stood there staring at each other.

It was Jim that broke the silence with a short bark of a laugh.

“This is awkward.”

“Indeed,” Spock agreed.

“I’m really bad at this crap and I guess you know that better than anyone.” Jim turned away, presenting his back to Spock. “Bones told me I told you how I feel about you.”

“In your delirium.”

Jim laughed again without humor or perhaps it sounded vaguely hysterical. “I was delirious, yeah, but I can’t rely on that to pretend what I said wasn’t true.”

“But you had no intention of telling me that if you had not been ill.”

He still hadn’t turned back to face Spock and in fact he stepped even farther away, pacing away from Spock.

“Honestly, Spock, can you blame me? You’ve made no secret of your disdain for me.”

Spock arched a brow even though Jim wasn’t looking at him. “Disdain? I think not. You told me you knew the meaning of the word ashayam.”

Jim turned to face him. “About that. You’re totally sending me mixed signals.”

“Mixed signals?”

“Yes! God, in fact you always have.”

“I do not understand.”

Jim shook his head. “You know, it’s me. I know that. I fucked up. I broke up with you. I was stupid.”

“Jim—”

“But I just…I was afraid you didn’t love me. I don’t know why. I spent too much time listening to everyone else then. Friends who told me Vulcans couldn’t really feel love and then you were running hot and cold.” Jim stared at him, his eyes so blue. “I didn’t understand you at all, Spock. I knew I wanted to be with you. We were friends, right?”

“Yes.”

“For that first year, that’s almost all we were. I wanted to be more. I would touch you, and you’d let me. There were times when we would Vulcan kiss. I didn’t know it at first, but we did.”

Spock swallowed, nodded.

Jim took a step closer. “You were…mysterious. You didn’t really talk much about what it was to be a Vulcan. And I was too stupid to really ask about it or find out for myself. You were hot and I wanted to be with you and for a while that was enough.”

“And then it was not.”

“No,” Jim whispered. “I’d fallen in love with you. And I wanted you to love me like I did you. But you…you started pulling back. We were still getting physical, sex, kissing. But you got more distant. I didn’t imagine that, did I?”

Spock felt as though his emotions were being ripped open wide. “Perhaps I did. I started listening to friends also. And you flirted with everyone.”

“That was just flirting. It didn’t mean anything.”

Spock exhaled. “I saw you kissing a female student.”

“You saw that?” Jim looked stricken.

He nodded. “It was not my intention to eavesdrop. I had been looking for you. You seemed…quite taken with her.”

Jim licked his lips and turned away again. “I wasn’t. I was just…I don’t know what I was doing. I didn’t sleep with her or anything. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to see that.”

“Given that and everything else I had heard and your own behavior and words, it was not completely surprising you wished to pursue others.”

“Yeah.” Jim sighed and covered his face with his hands. “I’m really an idiot. I was trying to get you to make some grand statement about how you didn’t want me to fuck other people because I thought I’d finally get a reaction out of you if I said that. And look where it got me?”

“Vulcans do not seek casual relationships,” Spock said quietly. “I had thought you had realized that long before then.”

“And that was your way of saying you cared about me, huh? Because you were with me and no one else.”

“Yes. I could not be the demonstrative partner you sought. It was not my nature. It is still not my nature.”

Jim nodded. “I was pretty immature. Hell, maybe what happened then was for the best. We were being separated. I don’t know if I could have handled the separation without being a cheating asshole anyway.”

Jim crossed the room then and sat on the edge of his desk, arms folded in front of his chest. “So, now what?”

“I am not certain either one of us is prepared to embark on a romantic relationship with each other again,” Spock said honestly. “It is true that I care for you and I believe you care for me. But there are still problems…issues…between us. Are there not?”

Jim’s smile was strained, but he nodded. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I didn’t know you, really, six years ago, and it doesn’t really seem like I know you much better now.”

“Indeed.”

“But on the other hand.” Jim stood up and walked over to where Spock stood. They were now very close. “How am I going to get to know you, the Spock you are now, if you keep me at such a distance.”

Spock swallowed and stared at Jim’s lips. “Indeed.”

Jim smiled, a genuine smile this time. “Friends, Mr. Spock?”

“Yes, Captain. Friends.” 


	20. Becoming Friends

“Spock, over here,” Jim called out when Spock entered the mess room.

Bones grimaced. “So he’s gonna eat with us now?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s just…now I have to be nice.”

Jim smiled. “You should have been nice before. Come on, Bones. There’s nothing wrong with Spock.”

“I didn’t know when you decided to make nice with him that meant I had to as well,” Bones grumbled, cutting the meat-like substance on his plate.

“Yeah you did.” Jim’s smile widened as Spock appeared at their table with a tray of food. “Hey, Spock.”

“Captain, doctor.”

“Spock.”

Spock sat across from Jim. “I have been informed by Mr. Sulu we should reach the sector near Starbase 200 in approximately three point two three hours.”

“Approximately, huh?”

“Yes, Captain.”

“I should probably get to sickbay,” Bones said after a few minutes of awkward silence. “I’ve got some patient that need to be checked.”

Jim sighed inwardly but waved him off. “See you later then.”

Bones squeezed his shoulder as he moved off.

“Was the doctor leaving on my account?” Spock asked.

“Nah, I don’t think so.”

“It will likely be uncomfortable for all of us,” Spock said. “Dr. McCoy never liked me.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

Spock arched a brow.

Jim grimaced. “Bones doesn’t really like anyone. Well, maybe except me, and even with me he still does a lot of bitching.”

“Dr. McCoy’s opinion of me has never been of great concern. Except if he tried to influence you in my disfavor.”

“Not exactly.”

“He did say some things against me back then, did he not?” Spock asked.

Jim sighed. “Yeah a few. I mean nothing that terrible. Mostly just warnings to be careful.”

“And why did he think you needed to be careful?”

“Because he thought someone as emotional as me was a bad match with someone as unemotional as you,” Jim said honestly. “He was certain you’d stomp all over my feelings. But I guess as it ended up, it was the other way around, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” Spock admitted.

“But really, Spock, wasn’t Uhura the same way? Didn’t she say shit against me too?”

Spock was quiet for a moment and then he gave a slight nod.

“I thought so. And I bet I know just the stuff she said. That I was some kind of slutty commitment phobe, right? And then I sort of proved what she said all along.” Jim shook his head at his own stupidity. “Everyone always assumed I slept around a lot before you Spock, but I didn’t. It was all a bunch of fucked up assumptions and rumors based on some shitty things other people said. I pissed a guy off once and he started saying crap about me. And that girl I kissed. That was a huge mistake and I knew it right away. She kept asking me out and I kept saying no. And that day I heard all these people laughing at me, at you, at us. As soon as I kissed her, I told her that nothing could ever happen between us. And believe it or not, I was going to tell you about it. Because I knew if anyone saw it, like Uhura, they’d go running to you to tell you they were right all along about what a dick I was.”

“You did not tell me.”

“No, I didn’t. Because I talked to another friend and she told me the stupidest thing I could do was to tell you about it. That you were better off not knowing. And I listened because even though I have a genius IQ or whatever I am socially and emotionally inept.” Jim took a deep breath. “The truth is, Spock, I could blame it on dozens of other people and none of it would matter. I was at fault. It’s all on me. I’m really sorry for the way I treated you.”

“Bridge to Captain Kirk.”

“Shit.” Jim rose and went to the comm on the wall. “Kirk here.”

“We’re getting strange readings, Captain, and—”

The ship shook sharply, sending Jim to the floor with enough force to jam his shoulder into the hard surface. Spock came to his side and reached down to pull him up.

“Thanks. You okay?”

Spock nodded.

“Sulu, what the hell was that?”

“You’d better get up here, Captain.”

Jim rushed out of the mess room followed closely by Spock. When they exited the turbolift onto the bridge they both stopped and stared at the blank screen. It was dark with no stars in sight.

“What the hell?”

Spock hurried to his science station.

“Spock?”

“One moment, Captain.”

“Captain, we had just located a planet in the area that I wanted to advise you of when that energy pulse occurred,” Sulu informed him.

“I don’t see a planet.”

“It was there before the pulse,” Sulu said.

Jim was about to turn back to Spock when the screen before them sort of wavered and then the stars reappeared, as well as the planet. Jim went to Spock’s station. “Well?”

“Sensors indicate that the gravity pull of the planet fluctuated to zero during the energy pulse, Captain. During that time the space surrounding the planet seemed to have winked out of existence.”

“Seemed to have?” Jim shook his head.

“Captain?”

“Mr. Sulu?”

“I’m getting a human life form on the planet surface. It wasn’t there before the energy pulse.”

“Spock, let’s go check it out.”

“Aye, Captain.” And Spock followed him into the turbolift.


	21. Lazarus

Spock had an immediate bad feeling when they beamed onto the planet surface, so without making it too obvious, Spock put himself in front of Jim. Some missions went off without trouble, but Spock was certain this wasn’t going to be one and when there was trouble, it found Jim.

“See anything, Spock?”

“Not yet, Captain.” He had his tricorder out but was ready to withdraw his phaser at the first sign of anything dangerous. “But I am getting a life sign.”

“Human, right?”

“Humanoid, definitely.”

Jim tried to step around Spock, but Spock was ready for such an action and he put himself in front of his captain once more.

“Are you doing that on purpose?” Jim asked sharply.

“To what do you refer?” The truth was Spock had always protected Jim on landing party missions where they were both part of the party. Generally when Spock was not, he made sure security was aware of the need to pay particular attention to their captain.

Jim just sighed, then froze. “Spock, over there.” He pointed to the east where there appeared to be the edge of a small spacecraft. When Jim went to hurry toward it, Spock grabbed his wrist.

“Captain, I urge caution.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Jim took out his phaser.

“That is definitely where the life sign is coming from,” Spock advised him.

Just as they approached the spacecraft, a man’s head popped up from behind it. He had wild hair and a big mustache. He stared at them for several seconds before blurting out, “Who the hell are you?”

“I’m Captain Kirk of the USS Enterprise, a starship for the Federation. This is my first officer, Spock. Who are you and what are you doing?”

“The Federation?” the man repeated sourly. “I don’t need interference from them.”

“Who are you?” Jim demanded.

Spock scanned him. “This man appears to be fully human, Captain.”

The man narrowed his eyes at Spock. “Vulcan, right?”

“Correct.”

“My name is Lazarus. And I’m here to try to destroy a monstrous creature.”

“Are you from this planet?” Jim asked.

“No. But where I am from is irrelevant.”

“Oh really? Are you responsible for disruption in space?”

Lazarus shrugged. “Perhaps. It is when I go to the other universe after the one I am trying to destroy.”

“Other universe?”

“Each time I pass between them the battle becomes more difficult,” Lazarus said. “He is getting ever stronger. I was about to go when you two showed up. You must not interfere.”

Jim frowned. “Who? Who is getting stronger?”

“I told you…the other one.”

Spock arched a brow. “The monstrous creature?”

“Yes.” Lazarus pressed a button on his ship and a wavering portal appeared.

Jim stepped forward. “Listen, mister, you aren’t going anywhere until I get some answers.”

Lazarus shrugged and raised a phaser. “I guess then I’ll just get rid of you now.”

Spock went cold and before Lazarus could act, Spock rushed at him, pushing him to the ground. The phaser discharged several feet away from Jim.

“I told you not to interfere!” Lazarus grabbed onto Spock, his hands going around Spock’s throat with surprising strength. Spock couldn’t breathe.

“Spock!” Jim yelled.

Spock kneed Lazarus in the groin which dislodged him. Jim grabbed Lazarus around the neck and Spock withdrew his phaser to stun the man, but suddenly Lazarus lurched toward the wavering portal, Jim still attached to him. Spock felt a moment of panic just before Jim disappeared into the portal with Lazarus.

Before his eyes the portal winked out and Spock was left alone on the planet. Spock took out his communicator.

“Spock to Enterprise.”

“Scott here.”

“Can you get a lock on Captain Kirk?”

“A lock, sir?”

“Yes.”

There was a pause. “I cannot find the captain on the planet surface.”

Spock was afraid of that but he had to try.

“Beam me up, Mr. Scott.”

“And the captain?”

“At the moment, I do not know his whereabouts.”

When the turbolift doors opened onto the bridge, Spock stepped out. Unfortunately he noticed Dr. McCoy was on the bridge and he looked ready to kill.

“The captain?” Nyota asked, standing up from her chair.

“I do not know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” McCoy demanded. “Where the hell is Jim?”

“I believe he may have been taken into another universe.”

“Another…for fuck’s sake! And you _let_ him?”

“Leonard,” Nyota said, shaking her head. “Allow Spock to explain.”

“There was a man who called himself Lazarus on the surface. He spoke of another universe and that he battled some sort of creature there. The captain and I were engaged in battle with Lazarus when he took the captain through a portal.”

McCoy crossed his arms, looking openly hostile. “And what the hell do you intend to do about it to get Jim back?”

The truth was, Spock did not know. At present he did not know what they were dealing with. He did know that Lazarus was dangerous and Jim could be harmed, maybe even killed. Time was of the essence.

“Myself and a security team will return to the planet for answers. Lazarus had a ship on the surface and it seemed to be connected to the portal.”

“Well, what are you waiting for?” McCoy asked. “I’m coming with you.”

“Doctor—”

The ship suddenly lurched sending them careening to the floor and into each other. When the ship righted itself, Spock stood and held onto the captain’s chair. No one seemed seriously hurt.

Spock looked at the viewing screen. There were no stars, just blackness.

“Commander,” Sulu said. “The planet has disappeared.”


	22. The Alternate Alternative Factor

“The planet has reappeared, Commander,” Sulu announced only a few minutes later.

Spock rose, intending to beam down to the planet.

“Are you sure you should do that?” Nyota asked him, her hand on his arm. “It’s unstable. We don’t want to lose you, too.”

“It is my responsibility to rescue the captain.”

“Commander, there’s only one life sign on the planet surface,” Sulu said. He turned in his chair to look at Spock. “And it’s not the captain.”

McCoy inhaled sharply. “Where is Jim?”

“I intend to find out,” Spock said, heading for the turbolift with McCoy on his heels. He ignored further protests from Nyota.

He and Dr. McCoy stood on opposite sides of the turbolift, neither of them speaking. When they got off and reached the transporter room the security guards already waited.

Spock stepped onto the pad. “Energize.”

Once more Spock found Lazarus by his ship. He did not seem surprised to see them.

“Where is Captain Kirk?” Spock demanded.

“He stayed behind in the dimension,” Lazarus said, fiddling with instruments on his ship.

“What dimension?” McCoy demanded. “Is Jim all right?”

“Doctor.”

Lazarus shrugged. “For now.”

“Enterprise to Mr. Spock.” Nyota’s voice.

“Spock here.”

“Starfleet communication, sir. Ships and planets all over the system are experiencing the same disruptions. Starfleet has ordered us to determine the cause. And report back as soon as possible.”

“Very well. Spock out.”

“He’s the cause.”

“The captain?”

Lazarus rolled his eyes. “No. The one from the other dimension. The one I go to fight. While he exists, the universe is in danger.”

****

“Wait,” Jim said. He stared at the man who looked just like the man he’d gone through the portal with…only different. There was something not quite the same. Jim couldn’t figure it out.

“Lazarus?”

“That’s right. How do you know me?” the man asked, standing by his spaceship.

“Captain Kirk. I came through the portal…with you.”

“Oh.” Lazarus nodded. “The other me. You coming with him was definitely different. I expected him to try to attack me again but you changed things. But Captain Kirk you cannot stay here.”

Jim shook his head. He was starting to get a headache. “I don’t want to stay here. Wherever here is.”

“You are in another dimension. This is…antimatter. Your dimension is matter. The two cannot exist together. Not for long. For a long time this dimension existed without interference until your Lazarus discovered my existence. He has made it his goal to destroy me. Those anomalies you have been experienced are when he comes here and tries to fight me. This cannot happen, Captain.”

“What would happen?”

“The universe you know would be destroyed. Matter and anti-matter cannot co-exist, not for long. My counterpart wants to kill me. He hates that I exist. My own universe doesn’t exist like yours, Captain. We have already destroyed it.” Lazarus shook his head. “But you still have a chance to save yours. But you must stop him.”

“How?”

“Eventually if he gets his way and keeps after me we will destroy your universe. You must prevent that from happening. Force him back into the portal, Captain. Then you must destroy the dimensional corridor.”

Where the fuck was Spock when he needed him for this scientific shit?

“Dimensional corridor? What?”

“Our spaceship,” Lazarus said, impatiently. “You must send him back through the portal from his end and then destroy his ship. That will destroy his way of getting back and your universe should be safe.

Jim frowned. “Should be?”

Lazarus smiled. “There are no guarantees.”

“Great. And what happens to you?”

“We will fight for all time. Our time anyway.”

“That doesn’t sound fair to you.”

“Don’t worry about me or him, Captain. Our fate has been decided for a long time.” Lazarus turned a dial on his ship and the portal appeared. “Go, Captain.”

“Lazarus—”

“Before it is too late.”

****

Spock heard a slight buzzing noise just before the portal suddenly shimmied into place.

“Spock!” McCoy exclaimed.

“I see it, doctor.”

“This will, no doubt, be your captain,” Lazarus announced.

The Captain stepped out of the portal disheveled and battered. His shirt was ripped over his right shoulder and there was blood on the corner of his mouth.

“Jim!” McCoy moved to go toward their captain, but Spock stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Captain, are you all right?”

Jim nodded, his gaze riveted to Lazarus. “No thanks to him.”

Lazarus shrugged. “I didn’t ask you to come into the corridor with me. You attached yourself to me. I had to get rid of you. Now step out of the way, Captain.”

“Why?”

Lazarus smirked. “I’m going back.”

“You really shouldn’t,” Jim said.

“Captain—”

Jim shook his head. “Very well. Suit yourself.” The captain stepped out of the way and with a snarl, Lazarus went into the portal. Jim flipped open his communicator. “Fuck. Fried. Spock, give me yours.”

“Jim, I need to check you.”

“Not now, Bones. Scotty, beam us up now. And then fire phasers into the ship here on the planet.”

“Captain?” Scotty asked.

“Do it. Energize.”

They rematerialized on the Enterprise and Jim stepped down immediately going to the comm on the wall.

“Fire those phasers, Scotty.”

“Jim, what’s going on?” the doctor demanded, coming to scan Jim.

Jim ignored him. “Scotty?”

“The ship on the planet has been destroyed, Captain.”

The captain nodded. “Okay.”

“Captain,” Nyota’s voice. “Starfleet wants to know the progress on discovering the waver in space.”

“It’s over, Lieutenant. It was all tied to Lazarus and his ship. I’ll contact Starfleet from my quarters.”

“Jim, I want to examine you,” the doctor said.

Jim turned to him. “Bones, I’m fine. Do I look injured?”

“Well, yes.”

Jim grinned. “Just a little bruising and a split lip. I’m good.” He turned to Spock. “Come to my quarters and I’ll explain.”

Spock nodded. “Yes, Captain.”

“So, just like that, no sympathy for me, worried sick about you,” McCoy grumbled.

“You’re always worried, Bones. Come on, Spock.”

Spock followed Jim into the turbolift, leaving the doctor sputtering behind them. But Spock found himself very unsettled by the entire matter and the captain was far too calm about it. He was always this way when his own life was in danger. Like it was nothing and just a fun adventure.

They reached Jim’s quarters. The doors closed behind them.

“Captain?”

He smiled a little. “Yeah?”

“I do not wish to be your friend.”

Jim stared at Spock. “I…what? You don’t?”

“Negative.”

“But I thought—”

“You thought wrong.” Spock pushed him against the bulkhead and crushed Jim’s lips under his.

 


	23. Desperation

Perhaps they should be discussing many things between them. But as Jim’s mouth opened under Spock’s and Jim’s tongue slipped in without Spock even having to demand it, which he would have, all Spock could think of was that he and Jim had not had intercourse for more than six years.

Spock’s blood flowed hot in his veins and his heart hammered hard in his side as both were fueled by an intense lustful need that Spock had never felt with anyone other than this human.

Yes, the need to have Jim right then might be completely illogical, but logic flew from Spock’s cool calculating mind when Jim was involved. And at the moment, Spock was simply tired of fighting it. Fighting them.

Jim moaned as Spock sucked Jim’s tongue deep into his mouth, needing all of Jim to acquiesce. Jim might be the captain, but here Spock would command him.

He briefly thought of ripping Jim’s shirts from his body, but logic at least prevailed there, and he yanked both the undershirt and command gold to Jim’s armpits. Spock’s thumbs grazed across Jim’s nipples, drawing out a sort of keening moan.

 _Yes_.

Spock had always relished in Jim’s vocalization of his pleasure. But Jim’s shirts still interfered with Spock having complete access to Jim’s bare torso. Spock reluctantly tore his lips from Jim’s.

“Spock, what—”

“Kroykah!”

He pulled the shirts up over Jim’s head and off his body. Then without any gentleness at all, Spock grabbed Jim away from the wall and pushed him to Jim’s bunk.

Jim fell face first into the mattress and with a hand on Jim’s back, Spock kept him there. He made short work of Jim’s boots, flinging them away, heedless of where they landed.

“Spock,” Jim said, his voice muffled by the mattress.

Spock flipped his captain over and tugged at the fastenings of his uniform pants. Their gazes met, startled aroused blue meeting possessive aroused brown. Whatever Jim had intended to say, he had changed his mind for now because all he did was stare wordlessly at Spock, his lips swollen from Spock’s kisses, which gave Spock much satisfaction.

Jim’s pants removed, he saw to the boxer briefs, leaving Jim only in his socks and not caring in the least. He pulled off his own shirts, and likewise tossed them, which was certainly not his habit.

Forgetting for just a moment he still wore his own boots and pants, he jumped on the bed and covered Jim’s naked body, once more kissing him, hungrily. There was a desperation to their kisses, Spock felt it all the way to his toes, like they’d been apart for a thousand years instead of the six years they had.

And the most illogical part was that Spock was certain that desperation came from him. Jim was alive and underneath him and Spock wanted to devour him.

Jim’s hands slid down Spock’s back and he squeezed Spock’s buttocks. Spock growled and ground his clothed erection against Jim’s thigh.

Jim broke their kiss long enough to gasp, “Fuck.”

“Yes,” Spock agreed. Reluctantly he stood long enough to divest himself of his boots and pants. He was about to return to the bed with Jim when he remembered something important. “Lubricant?”

For a moment Jim stared at Spock like he couldn’t comprehend and Spock opened his mouth to repeat himself, but then Jim said, “Uh. Drawer. There.”

Spock thought of a flippant response but this was no time for flippancy, he needed to be inside Jim again, so he went to the drawer and pulled it open so hard it came out of the cabinet, scattering its contents on the floor, but Spock’s hand closed around the lubricant and that was all he cared about.

He returned to Jim then who immediately pulled Spock close and plastered their lips together again. There was a sweetness to Jim’s kiss this time, a wealth of emotions swirling between them there was simply no time to analyze.

Without breaking their lip-lock, Spock squirted out an appropriate amount of lubricant and set his fingers to the task of prepping Jim’s ass for Spock’s invasion. He’d done this many times in the past with this human, but still it was like it was new again and so intense Spock’s heart hammered excessively in his side.

Jim clung to him now, gasping and moaning beneath Spock’s lips, rising up to meet Spock’s probing fingers. His eyes were half-closed, just a sliver of blue visible, and even in that, Spock was lost. How this human above all managed to ensnare Spock so thoroughly, he did not know. It was simply a fact.

“Please,” Jim begged. “Please.”

Spock removed his fingers and rose above his captain, hiking Jim’s legs up, and spreading them, so that Spock could push his cock into Jim’s hole. At first Jim’s entrance resisted, clenching up, but then Spock pushed past that ring of muscle to allow Spock to thrust all the way in, to his balls.

Spock linked their hands then, holding Jim’s hands above Jim’s head as Spock moved within him, pushing and pulling, pounding hard, then thrusting gently, until both of them could hardly breathe.

Jim’s teeth sunk into his bottom lip as he kept his eyes wide open now and staring quite intensely into Spock’s eyes. It stripped Spock raw, bare, rendered him so exposed that for just a second, Spock felt afraid. There was no one or nothing in the whole universe who could hurt Spock more than Jim, who could do so without hardly trying, but this was not the time for fear or hesitation. Spock was committed to this…and to this human. Spock always had been.

Spock’s balls drew tight, almost impossibly so, and it was too soon, for he had wanted to be inside Jim for hours, but practically speaking that would not happen, not ever, for he felt far too much with Jim.

“Jim,” Spock whispered hoarsely, watching Jim’s tongue swipe across his lips and Spock was lost. He came, pouring into Jim, with a fierce growl.

When he stopped quaking, he went to grasp Jim’s erection to give Jim his release, but then realized Jim had come all over both of their stomachs. Spock collapsed upon him and Jim’s arms came around Spock to hold him.

****

Jim must have fallen asleep after the epic fucking Spock had given him, because he sort of startled awake. Spock’s heavy, comforting weight was no longer on him, and for about ten seconds disappointment nearly overwhelmed him at the thought that Spock had left his quarters while Jim slept.

Then he noticed Spock sitting on the ground in front of Jim’s desk, dressed again, and with his eyes closed. Jim recognized Spock’s meditation pose. He blew out a relieved breath, and sat up in the bed. Spock had apparently covered him after getting up, because he was surrounded by sheets and blankets. Jim glanced around the room trying to figure out what Spock had done with his clothes.

“You are awake.”

Jim’s gaze flew back to Spock who now had his eyes open and was staring at Jim.

“Yeah, sorry. Didn’t mean to disturb your meditation.”

“You did not. I have finished for the present.” Spock rose gracefully and then without being asked, handed Jim his clothes. “We will need to talk, but you need nourishment.”

“I’m not really hungry.”

“You will eat.”

“What does this mean for us, Spock?” he asked as he watched Spock go to the synthesizer.

“What would you wish for it to mean?”

“You know.”

“I would like to hear the words.”

Jim licked his chapped lips. “That you and I are together again. That you’ll give me another chance. That you want this as much as I do.”

Spock came to the bed and handed Jim a plate of eggs and potatoes. “And if I do not?”

Jim felt the beginning of an ache in his chest. “I’ll have to deal with it.” He stared down at the food. “What do you want?”

“You,” Spock stated simply. “As always.”


	24. The Final Frontier

Spock watched Jim carefully as he pushed the eggs and potatoes around on his plate. “I am not fooled.”

Jim looked up startled. “What?”

“Playing with your food is not the same as eating it.”

“I don’t need you to take care of me, Spock.”

“I see.”

Jim sighed. “No, you don’t. I just mean…you shouldn’t have to. I’m the captain of a starship. I don’t need my first officer making sure I eat.”

“Have I not earned the right to be more than your first officer?”

“Yeah, you have. I just…I don’t want to be less in your eyes.”

Spock knelt in front of him and took Jim’s hands in his. “Has it occurred to you that I find pleasure in taking care of your needs and that it has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with you being less in my eyes?”

“Yeah?”

“One of the issues in our prior failed relationship was our inability to communicate our differences effectively. Would you agree?”

Jim frowned. “Uh. Yeah. I think so.”

“I wish to take care of you because of your importance to me. Do you understand?”

“Yes. I guess. It’s just…I’m not a damsel or anything.”

“Believe me, Jim, I am well aware you are not a damsel. And my care of you is not because I think you incapable of it. Vulcans find pleasure in caring for their mates.”

Jim nodded. “Okay. Although, I thought Vulcans didn’t feel pleasure.”

“You know very well that is not true,” Spock said coolly. “However, I find your recklessness when you lead landing parties most tedious because of your total lack of concern for your own welfare and therefore my feelings.”

“I’m not trying to be reckless, Spock. I just like exploring.”

“I ask that you be more prudent and careful in the future for my sake, Dr. McCoy’s sake, the crew’s sake, and of course your own.”

Jim bit his lip. “I’ll try.”

“That is all I can ask.” Spock laid his hand on Jim’s knee. “And since I want no misunderstandings between us, as there apparently was prior, if we are to engage in a romantic relationship I require monogamy.”

“I know that, Spock. I always knew it. I was…testing you and it was a terrible test. I knew that as soon as I did it, but I was too idiotic to take it back.” Jim touched his fingers to Spock’s in the Vulcan kiss. “In case it wasn’t clear, I want the same. I don’t want anyone else, Spock.”

Spock’s eyes were a soft, warm brown. “Then we are in agreement.”

Jim smiled. “Yes. And God it feels good.”

“It does indeed.” Spock leaned up to kiss Jim’s lips.

Jim framed Spock’s face in his hands. “Do we have time?”

Spock looked amused. “We are supposed to have been on the bridge five minutes ago.”

“Ah, crap. We’re late.” But Jim didn’t move. “I promise to do better this time. I know more about Vulcans I didn't know then."

“And I know more about humans. Especially you,” Spock said, kissing Jim.

Jim sighed and leaned into him. “I’m sorry you’ve had to endure so much with me.”

“There are many things in this life and in this universe that we must learn to survive, to endure. But of all the things I experience, Jim, you...you are one of the finer things.”

Jim grinned. “You do know how to be romantic.”

“You bring out the illogic in me.”

He laughed. “It’s good for you.” He turned serious. “I don’t think Uhura likes me much.”

“She does not like to see me hurt.”

“I don’t either. So we have that in common. I won’t hurt you again, Spock.”

“We love each other, Jim. There will be times when we inadvertently hurt each other.”

“I don’t want to,” Jim insisted.

“I know. I do not think Dr. McCoy likes me either.”

Jim snorted at that. “Bones is just all talk.” He kissed Spock again. “We really have to go to the bridge?”

“We are now ten minutes late. I suspect we will be paged momentarily.”

“Okay.”

They both rose, but Jim pulled Spock into his arms.

“Jim.”

“I know. It’s just…I’ve gone years without being able to touch you. I can’t get enough.”

“Ashayam, you may touch me whenever you wish.”

“Well, not whenever I wish.”

“Yes, whenever.”

“I love you.”

Spock gave him a very slight smile. “Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.”

****

They stepped off the turbolift in sync and Spock went to his station, while Jim went to his chair. He turned briefly toward Uhura who to his surprise smiled. He smiled back.

The turbolift doors opened again and soon Bones was standing beside him.

“You okay, Jim?”

“Never better, Bones. Never better. Mr. Chekov?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“Plot a course for Gamma Trianguli VI.”

“Course plotted, Keptin.”

“Mr. Sulu, take us out. Warp four.”

“Warp four, Captain.”

Jim smiled. “Engage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of this one.


End file.
